Little Black Book of Drama

Love rats, scum bags

2011-01-05T21:26:00.004+08:00

Dear hopeful ladies,

Heads up on a few KNOWN facts about cheating men.

1) You are not the first. Even if you are...

2) You won't be the last.

3) Men like this NEVER change.

4) Even if they do, it's because they lost something (face, health, money, YOU, whatever.) that is important to them (or so they think lah..)

5) The change is temporary.

6) The change cease to exist, right at the moment you decide to give him a SECOND chance.

7) *cue music* "..Oops i did it again..I played with your heart..lalala"

8) Maybe part 4) and 5) will repeat again. It's a vicious cycle.

9) By now, you should know better. Please walk away.

"Nobody would love you, if you don't love yourself enough. If it hurts too much, sometimes it's okay to just say: I'm not a toilet bowl and i'm not taking your shit. Please Fuck Off. "

Disclaimer: It's not about me or my personal life. It's just what i think.

i'm not short. i'm fun-sized.

2010-12-23T03:34:00.004+08:00

My friend (shall remain anonymous because she's a private person) and i were talking about body images and looking back i think we had quite a funny conversation.

Friend: I've always wanted to wear a cheongsam, they are so pretty...

Me: Then buy one la. :)

Friend: Aiyo, i scared i look hideous in it la...

Me: My friend, u are a dumb dumb, u are tall and gorgeous, i wanna whack you for saying that. -_-

Friend: but..but.. i'm scared i cannot fit in it...bla bla.. arms look big... bla bla... not nice...

Me: Babe, let me tell u a story... Once upon a 2010, i went to Genting and i always wanted to ride the Go-Kart. I wasn't allowed to ride it back then when i was 10years old because i was still too short. Then when i went back again this year, feeling much confident about myself cuz obviously i've grown taller. I stepped on the bloody measuring thingy and it says "153.5cm" and the minimum height is 155cm.

So yeah, i was ONE POINT FIVE CEE EMM too short to qualify riding the Go-Kart!!! and do i look like i can grow any taller?!!??

The moral of my story is..be thankful for your long legs, u can still tailor made your dress to fit u perfectly. As for me, i will never be able to ride the Go-Kart in my entire life, EVER!! *teary eyed*

Friend: Oh yah, that case you are sadder... Laa.. jangan nangis, u are my cute short friend... *sayang and pat on head*

Me: Thanks ah.

So yeah, that's my funny story about body issues.

P.S/ tease me somemore and i will sucker punch your groin cuz i can't reach your face. Then u will bend over in pain and i will sucker punch your face -_-

k thx bai

Age difference?

2010-12-08T22:18:00.005+08:00

Not too long ago...

Me and K just finished grabbing a bite at a nearby mamak. As we were walking back towards the car, there was a car full of young dudes who passed us by. My car keys were playing hide n seek inside my sling bag so i didn't really pay attention.

K: Hey, i think that car just checked us out...

Me: Wha-? Where the fuck is my keys? *mumble* U were saying?

K: That car just now? Those dudes inside the car just checked us out la.

Me: How u know?

K: The driver was pointing towards us, then telling his friends to see somemore. *Looks around*

And there's no one here oso...besides us.

Me: Deii.. i take it as a compliment! :D *bangga*

K: But i think they are all younger guys lah.. possibly students.

Me: Deii... *not so bangga anymore*

K: I think we are only destined to attract younger guys.. :(

Me: But then again.. we can be MILFs when we grow older, and we won't even look old at all. Hah!! *Bangga kembali* *peace sign*

K: WTF.... Thanks ar, but i don't wanna be a MI-

Me: *interrupts* Or better yet, a GILF!!!

K: What is that?

Me: Granny I Love to--

K: NOOOOOOO!!!! WTF!! EW.....TIDAK!!!!

K proceeds to hit me..

ow, humour is painful with BFFs.

I have interesting friends :)

Personally, i think age is not at all a factor, the real deal breaker is intellectual wavelength. :)

We are not responsible for any bodily harm caused by your stupidity.

2010-12-06T01:47:00.004+08:00

Disclaimer: This is gonna be a ranting post with lots of profanities so if u can't stand this, kindly click the small red X on the right corner of the screen n bugger off.

All spelling and grammatical errors are not spelling errors, try to imagine a cina-pek speaking english. Bad english.

Okay, a quick update, i've moved out and renting a place with a couple of friends.

So one day, one of our housemate decides to move out, so we had to look for another person to take the empty room.

So we posted an ad.

Someone answered the ad. His name is Kevin. This Kevin guy seemed soft-spoken and a little nerdy looking. He is a bit cina-pek, can't speak good english AND stutters a little when he talks so me n K, my hommie, found it quite endearing. He told us he was working with a vietnamese friend who set up a stall in an eatery in a nearby business centre and he was looking for a nearby place to stay.

Now tell me, what does this imply to you? That Kevin wants the room for himself right? He, Kevin himself, plans to occupy the room right?

Then he also say, "I might be sharing room with my friend,From Vietnam, is a foreign-Ger (Yes, he pronounced it as foh-ren-GER) ."

We then ask him," Is it your girlfriend?"

"No, he's guy", he replied.

So me n K thought that it might be his BF. Not that we are homophobic okay? We are assuming, in fact, we are quite glad that we are sharing the house with a gay couple cause we are all for integration!!

okay, digress i shall not.

So what does this imply to you? Kevin wants the room and might be staying with his vietnamese friend right?

Then he asked the room rent and payment and all, so we told him the amount he needs to pay and then utilities will be shared among the amount of people staying in the house. Then he says that he needs to talk to his friend 1st.

We did also mentioned to him that there is a small room at the back which is already taken.

Then at this point, he keep saying that he needs to talk to his friend 1st.

Well, me and K assumed that maybe he needs to discuss the room rent with his vietnamese friend who MIGHT be staying with him.

Then he also proceed to tell us a bunch of confusing stories about his friend getting a place already, but Kevin still wanna tell him about this new place, and he is gonna talk to him and blablabla...

So then, after that, he left. Then he came back, cause he left his backpack at our place.

We (me n K) were thinking," Aw, forgetful boy, how endearing... "

We decided then that we liked that boy and hoped that he takes the room with his BF... sorry vietnamese friend.

fast forward....

I went to work that day. K had night shift so she was at home when Kevin came back again and brought his vietnamese friend(Let's call him VF1, as in, vietnamese friend #1). He said that he wants the room but it is for 3 people. Then Kevin say he is bringing another vietnamese friend(VF2). Sounds a bit weird but they also agreed to share out the utilities.

So does this imply to you that Kevin, VF1 and VF2 wants the room and will be staying together?

Then VF1 paid the room deposit and rental to K.

Then K asked:" When will YOU (meaning Kevin, VF1 and VF2) move in the room?"

And VF1 and Kevin say THEY will move in the place either the night itself or the day after.

Does that imply to you that Kevin and VF1 understood that the room is rented to them and that they will move in with their VF2?

Which part of "WHEN WILL YOU MOVE IN THE ROOM?" is confusing?

I came back from work and relaxing at home around 9pm. By then K went to work already. Then i heard the door open and some foreign voices talking to each other. I open my room door and saw Kevin and one vietnamese friend moving some mattresses and luggage to the room.

Naturally, i thought: Hmm, this must be VF1.

Then Kevin left, he said he is going to pick up another friend. Which i assume is VF2.

K also told me that VF1 can speak english, so i decided to be a nice housemate and say hi to whom i thought is VF1.

I knocked on the door and said: "Hi, I'm cheng. What's your name?"

Assumed VF1: *confused look* *shrugs shoulders* i...i... dunno...

Me: okay,never mind.. bye *close door*

Then at this point i felt something very fishy, and thank God my another hommie, P was back from work.

P: "Who is that?"

Me: *explains about Kevin, VF1 and VF2*

P: "This is a bit weird. He don't seem to know what u r talking about. Maybe u should call Kevin."

At this point, i was afraid but still have a tiny gleam of hope in the goodness of mankind that maybe Kevin was telling the truth. And that the weird vietnamese that is living beside my room is VF2 who doesn't speak english.

I called Kevin.

Me:" Hey, I talked to your vietnamese friend and he doesn't speak english. I thought K said he spoke english?"

Kevin:"Oh, he not know english wan... speak simple simple can d, no need talk to him wan. Anything i help you?"

Me:" Where are you now?"

Kevin:" I going to fesh two more fehn to come n stay."

Me:" What? What do u mean two more friends? Are there gonna be four of you sharing the room?"

Kevin:" Oh..Oh no, is just THREE of my vietnam fehn and i won stay."

Me: .... *wtf is going on now???* " What time are u coming over?"

Kevin:" A wow more, we tok when i kamb over k? *cheerful tone*"

In my heart, i was panicking with fear. There's a strange, unkempt, slightly untidy looking vietnamese who doesn't speak a word of english sleeping next door. And i have another stranger bringing more of these vietnamese to my house, which he ALSO has keys to the house. Oh FML!!!!

I called K and told her the situation and she said it wasn't supposed to be other people cause she told him that she would be renting the room for Kevin and VF1 only. P immediately decided that they cannot stay in our house and it's a dangerous situation.

Me and P locked up our room and all, then went downstairs to wait for Kevin.

Kevin brought another VF that also don't seem to be able to speak english. Then we told him that we needed to talk.

Me:" Kevin, we have a situation. When we first agreed to rent the room to you, we agreed to rent to you and your english speaking vietnamese friend only. Why is it that we have three people whom we have never met come to stay? And why are u not staying?"

Kevin:" Oh..*fidgets* If the small room downstairs away-lable, i will take it now!! So i can look at them!! *saying with fake sincerity* But dun have, so i let them stay here 1st, i will go find another room. *faking heroism*"

Me:" No. When we first agreed to give you the room, we thought YOU and YOUR ENGLISH SPEAKING VIETNAMESE friend is staying. We agreed to the both of you staying, not any other people. Why are there a sudden change of deal and you never told us? And we told you from the start, the last room is occupied!!"

Kevin:" Dats y lor, dat's why i cannot stay, have to give them room mah... My fehn cannot to find them pwoper room so i decide to GIF them my room. If not i also plan to stay wan... "

Me:" No, you do not change plans without telling us first. We are not comfortable having to stay with people we have not met before. And it's your friend who failed to find a place for them, it's his problem, not yours. And now, you are giving us the problem."

Kevin:" For now let them stay, maybe later i will stay, see how."

Me:" What do you mean see how? If anything happen how?"

Kevin:" I will responsible anything. I will ."

Me:" The thing is, we don't even WANT ANYTHING to happen at all, so before anything happen, i don't think we can give you the room."

Kevin:" Wait, i tok my fehn 1st."

fast forward...

Kevin went out to wait for his fehn, he was obviously angry and upset, waiting and wondering how to explain the bad news that he has just lost the room.

But hey, he was the one who broke our deal without telling us and tried to weasel his way to staying in our house.

L, our African housemate, a very tall (about six foot four okay!) and intimidating looking, (but actually he is nice) guy, who occupies the small room downstairs, heard all the noise and came out to check.

L:" What is going on? Is he giving you problems?"

P & Me: *explains*

L:" Oh, he broke your deal, took advantage of your kindness and give u shit. You need me to talk to him?"

Me: " No, it's okay, he agreed to go."

So, P, me and a very intimidating L went out and wait for VF to arrive. He came by foot.

VF:" What happen to the room? I thought i paid for the room??"

Kevin:" You all promees to give room then now no more."

L:" *interrupt* NO, we didn't, you lied."

Kevin:" You Shaadap! "

L:" No, you shut up."

Kevin:" You all no responsible, #%^&**, *curse in mandarin*!!!

L:" Imma teach you a lesson."

At this point, it was kinda funny to see a skinny, cina-pek fighting with a six foot four african man with palms the size of a basketball. I would've LOL-ed if not for the fact that there are 2 strange vietnamese outside my house, one cina-pek fighting with my housemate at 2am, which they still have the keys to our house and a two more strangers sleeping inside my house. Plus, i was on the phone clarifying the payment details with K, who is at work, stressed out and can't do a thing.

fast forward...

No fight broke out, just some bitchin' was exchange. Then VF1 said, CALMLY:" If this is causing you too much trouble, we will leave. good night."

So we paid them back their money. Me and P even offered to fetch their belongings and mattresses in a car and send them to a hotel.

Oklah, the reason we were nice enough to do that because they wanted to leave their things behind n come collect them the next morning. We were horrified enough with all the drama, so we just wanna get over n done with n never ever see them again.

But i insist i'm nice if not i would've just thrown ALL their belongings outside the house n lock the gate, then threaten to call the police. :)

fast forward...

The next afternoon.

K: Babe, Kevin sent me a message.

Me: What does it say?

K: He wrote, ' Tell your fren b careful dun let me see her again.'

Me: Wow, his grammar improved out of anger.

Here's for you Kevin, FUCK OFF.

YOU BROKE OUR DEAL, YOU TRIED TO WEASEL YOUR WAY AND NOT TELLING THE TRUTH FROM THE START. YOU LIED, SO WE WON'T GIVE YOU THE ROOM. YOU HANDLED THE SITUATION BADLY AND EXPECT PEOPLE TO TRUST YOU? I BET YOUR BAD ENGLISH IS BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO WEASEL YOUR WAY TO NOT DO YOUR HOMEWORK AT SCHOOL. YOU ARE JUST A SORE LOSER TRYING TO FIND AN EASY WAY OUT, ENDEARING MY STINKING FOOT!! AND IF YOU HAVE BALLS, YOU TELL IT TO MY FACE. DON'T HIDE BEHIND K'S SKIRT AND POINT FINGERS LIKE A BABY AS IF WE STOLE YOUR CANDY. AND IF YOU REALLY DO TELL ME THAT, I WILL MAKE A POLICE REPORT AND I MAKE SURE I'LL FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST YOU IF U TRY TO HARASS ME OR MY HOMMIES. DON'T TEST MY PATIENCE.

FUCK THE HELL OFF AND GO CRY TO YOUR MOMMY THAT A GIRL STOLE YOUR ROOM. CHEEBYEKIAKNNCCB!!!!

We were glad that we didn't let any of them stay. If someone is not trustworthy from the start, they will never be.

tyvm for tolerating my ranting. goodnai, my good fehns.

"sometimes, u gotta look fear in the eye, and say, fuck you."-L

I'm okay if you are okay

2010-12-03T03:02:00.004+08:00

I think i have a fairy tale complex.

Life has shown me disappointments and heartbreaks before but nevertheless, istill believe that good things will come to people who wait and happy endings are possible.

Oh well, his name is not Prince Charming

And he does not ride a white horse (has never ridden one before).In fact, he prefers to walk and take public transport.

He does not live in a castle or throw lavish ball or present me with glass slippers.

But he tucks me in every night before bedtime and takes care of me when i'm sick.

He kisses my forehead and tells me i'm beautiful on days i feel like shit.

He puts down his computer games just to layan my questions like which dress is prettier or .

He is patient, kind and loving.

He understands that I need time alone when i'm angry;

and offers his shoulders when i'm sad;

yet laughs at all my stupid jokes even when they don't make sense.

He is not Prince Charming, but better than that,

he's my best friend.

And we love each other. Just like that.

FYI

2010-11-16T20:33:00.002+08:00

You had the nerve to tell me the same shit that u tell the other girls. The problem is, the other girls believed you, i didn't. And i was right about my gut instincts.

Oh come on, who told me? A little fucking bird told me. You SERIOUSLY expect to do something so sneaky ALL THE TIME and not get caught?

Your girlfriend/fiancee/wife/whatever, is IMHO a nice girl, and does not deserve to be left hanging in the dark. If things aren't working out, tell her. Don't use it as a weak, ball-less excuse to cheat. But anyway, i don't think things aren't working out, u just want your share of cake and eat them.

Go scratch your balls if it's itchy, if you keep letting other ppl do it for u, u might risk getting it ripped out one day.

And FYI, i never wanted to be with you, and never will.

I'm allergic to stupid pigs.

A love letter

2010-11-16T20:06:00.001+08:00

Dear you,

When i first met you, i knew it's love at first sight. No... i won't say it's "sight", but rather, love at first experience. It's the way u make me move, make me smile and make me work harder for what i want. You can say it's tough love, it's not easy to get, but it's a rewarding love.

You made me fall head over heels, twisting around in doubles just for u, i know the only way to get back up is to catch myself. And for this, my confidence grew in you and my whole life is shaped and revolved around you.

Thank you for giving me confidence, make me believe the impossible and make me who i am today.

You are my first love and the only love that i will never get over, or ever WANT to get over.

I love you, cheerleading.

what do u say?

2009-11-18T02:34:00.002+08:00

I've made a lot of mistakes before i got to you.

Each of them honest and none that i regret.

Life is too short.

So why don't we take a chance, and take a leap elsewhere beside here?

I'll hold your hand, i promise.

Kids DO say the darndest thing

2009-11-13T00:26:00.005+08:00

I've been working in Lynn's and Yenn's Mom, Mrs. Ng's kindergarten for about 4 months now. Before teaching, i used to stay up late, wake up even later and spent time doing nothing til practices/rehearsals/training/ performances starts... so practically the days go by with me wasting half the day away.

One day, Mrs. Ng called me up and told me she needed help as she was short of staff and she would be away for a week. So i thought, "Hey, it's about time i get up off my butt and do something more productive.." So yup.. here i am, teaching, educating little kids and sometimes let them drive me nuts once in a while now.

I think they drive me nuts every single day now....

... and one of it has got to be the darndest thing they say.

Case One:

There's this one boy who kinda grew close to me. As in he never got close to any other teacher before. First day itself he was talking to me alot, asking where i come from, have i finished school and stuff...

gosh, kid acting like an adult.

Kid#1: Teacher, i like you.

Me: I like you too. Now go get a book and read :)

Kid#1: Would u be my girlfriend?

Me: *@___@* what?

Kid#2: Don't believe him, he's got 2 other girlfriends at school already!!

Kid#1: NOoo... i break up with them already!! I want you teacher...

Me: Little children shouldn't be saying things like that ok?

Kid#2: Really wan!! He really have TWO gfs!! *shows two short lil fingers in front of my face*

Me: How u know? Why u all have gfs and bfs at such young age?

Kid#2: Of course i know, he was my boyfriend and then i gave him to that two other girls!

Me: *faints*

Case two:

Kid XX: TEACHER, YY TOUCH MY KKB*!!!!

Me: What's going on? You cannot touch other people like that, it's not appropriate, u know? *tells YY*

Kid YY: No la, where got touch? i see only ma...

Me: -_____-"

*KKB is short for KuKu Bird = baby talk for male genital organs

In case u wanna know, YY is a girl..

Case three:

Girl A: Teacher, why is Girl B showing her panties to the class?

Me: Really? Did u do that? *asks Girl B*

Girl B: You wanna see? *lifts skirt*

Me: HEY! That's not nice... Boys won't respect you if you keep doing that, u know?

Girl B: Doesn't matter, i have two boyfriends already anyway :)

Me: *speechless*

omg.. talk about sl** in the making...

Case four:

A parent walked in the classroom to pay his children's school fees. The kids' father, Mr.Q is an impeccably dressed, tall and charming man who smiles at all the kids in the class. And because his daughter is in my class, he also know some of his daughter's friends as the kids like to hang out at each other's house for parties and sleepovers. So he chatted with them a bit while waiting to pay school fees.

When he left, one new girl (who has never seen Mr.Q before) stared long and hard before saying: "Mr.Q is so handsome and he smells sooo nice."

Gosh, it would sound so different if an adult talk like that about another married man. LOL

There u have it, kids say the darndest things.

Names have been omitted to protect the identity of the not-so-innocent ones.

til then.

love y'all!!

yes, i'm attention seeking :D

2009-10-21T14:10:00.001+08:00

How do u find the new layout? do comment please :)

i'm okay, as long as you are okay

2009-10-16T02:26:00.006+08:00

If i had to go through rough patches to be where i am today, i'm okay with that.

If this is the only period of time that defines what happiness means to me, i'm okay with that.

If happiness is in the form of seeing that smile, i'm okay with that.

If this is all that we will ever have in this lifetime, i'm okay with that.

I'm thankful to have lived this long to experience the good, the bad, the bittersweet, the struggle and the understanding.

I'm thankful to know that i'm able to feel again.

I'm thankful to know that i'm still capable of love.

Life is too short to be ungrateful, so i'm thankful.

til then.

never fails

2009-10-02T03:31:00.002+08:00

Like how the sun never fails to set in the west,

like how the stars never fail to shine brighter when the night turns darker,

like how the heart never fails to beat every second til your last breath,

like how some things never fail to seem alot better knowing you are around,

Like it never fails to be sure we can rule the world together like our favourite superheroes.

no matter how shitty things can be.

Like how it all meant to be.

I'm not done yet. I'm still here.

Hold my hand and let's rule the world :)

All the single ladies, put your hands up

2009-08-30T23:51:00.003+08:00

Note: This is NOT a male-bashing post. Just felt inspired by some sudden liberation of the mind.

Quotes to live by for all self-loving single ladies:

If you can't handle my worst, you definitely do not deserve my best. -Marilyn Monroe-
I'm not settling for second best, and i'm not settling for men that settles for second best. Not picking me IS settling for second best. Have a nice life. :)
Never live life with regrets. Life is too short for that.
Sing like nobody's listening, dance like nobody's watching, Laugh to your heart's content, Love like you've never got your heart broken before, Live like there's no tomorrow.
Nobody can love you more than YOURSELF.
There's a fine line between love and a waste of time, so why not spend time on loving yourself first? Manicures and spas are good :)
Life is also too short to waste time.
This is ironic to the previous point, but... Good things come to those who wait. Just be patient n savour other things in life.
Dignity, compassion and a strong mind can take u anywhere.

Lastly, here's a joke i like to share...

A man made a comment to his wife, "How can i smart man like me have such a stupid wife?"

The wife answered back with a sweet smile, "God made you smart enough to take me as your wife, and made me stupid so i would fall for a man like you!"

okay, toodles

cause if i do, it'll all be over

2009-08-24T05:01:00.003+08:00

Found it on a friend's facebook page.

"One day when she's done trying and you are done having "fun"... You will wake up and realize that things could have been different. You've both matured and grown up now and see things differently. It will be on that day that you will wake up and realize just how much you really care about her and that she was the one. But when that day comes... she'll be waking up next to the guy that already knew."

Never do things that you might regret for the rest of your life.

I'm thankful, cause so far i have not.

And i should get my ass off Facebook before i get into serious gaming addiction. AHHHHH!!!

FML

2009-08-24T01:09:00.003+08:00

Word of the day: FML

means Fuck My Life. I was enlightened by a friend about this abbreviation today. I've been curious about it ever since i saw it. This friend of mine also gave me ways to use the word.

Example:

Today i decided to start living healthier by parking my car 200m from the office so i get a little bit of exercise walking to work. I was happy cuz i got my paycheck today. While walking back, i got robbed. My wallet, valuables and even my paycheck is gone. When i got to my car, i got a parking ticket for exceeding my parking limit. FML.
I was about to have a most intensed, earth-shattering, mind-blowing and powerful orgasm, when my husband suddenly stopped. He asked, "what time is it?" i said it was about 2pm. Then he got off the bed, walked towards the computer and say, "My plants in my virtual farm on Farmville* is about to wither. I'll get back to u k? i love u, honey!" FML!!!
I was holding my pee so badly, i ran into the toilet without switching on the lights. Then i didn't see the puddle, which i slipped n fell right on my ass. Not only did i bruised my ass, i peed in my pants too. FML!!!

*Farmville is an addictive Facebook game

Gosh, I was laughing so hard and it really made my day.

And i learnt a new blogging lingo today, so all in all, it's good :)

til then.

Blind

2009-08-22T09:44:00.001+08:00

I was young

but I wasn’t naïve

I was helpless as you turned around to leave

And still I have the pain I had to carry

A past so deep, that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time

I never thought we’d be here, I never thought we’d be here

When my love for you is blind

But I couldn’t make you see it, I couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you’ll ever know

And part of me died

when I let you go

I would fall asleep

only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like it was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing through the floor

After all this time

I never thought be we’d here, I never thought we’d be here

When my love for you is blind

But I couldn’t make you see it, I couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you’ll ever know

And part of me died

when I let you go

Blind

Life house

Junk food

2009-08-22T09:26:00.002+08:00

It's okay, it's only the first day... That tomorrow would be a better day.

It's necessary to remind yourself that it's for the better when u decide to walk away from something very important.

Whenever things in life go bad, you used to be able to run into your secret place and do things that make u feel all better again. Somehow, you can't run to your secret place anymore, cause you just came to a realisation that THAT'S what hurting u most.

It sucks to know that u've been eating too much junk food. It sucks to know that the one thing that keeps you happy and functioning is the one that is not good for you. And the sole comfort that u always turn to when other things go bad somehow has to stop, cause you are gaining weight at the wrong area, adding inches down south and not being able to fit into your jeans anymore.

Time to leave behind something that is very important for a bigger purpose.

Time to eat better, time to eat more proper meals.

Almost paradise

2009-07-27T04:23:00.002+08:00

Gonna be in GuangZhou, China, for a Dance Festival with Kwang Tung Dance Troupe.

Time away from familiar grounds and comfort zone might provoke new insights and self discovery, i hope.

Will be back soon!! *excitedly packing dancing shoes* :D

til then

don't wanna miss a thing

2009-07-19T11:31:00.002+08:00

Today, i realized that mommies and daddies will FOREVER have an issue with their kids kissing somebody else's kids. Regardless if the kid is 13 or 30 years old.

The old saying, " You will always be my baby boy/girl no matter you are 8 or 80." ?

I can put my dollar on how true that is.

-

2009-07-16T05:00:00.003+08:00

Have u ever felt, in any point of your life, that u've been running in circles?

A circle that goes round and round n round...

A circle that completes you, puts you in a steady pace.

A circle that repeats itself, like a daily routine, that keeps you in line, cause you are doing the same ol thing every single day..

A circle that makes u feel like u belong somewhere in this world, cuz it's a circle of things you repeat and fall back into when, once in awhile, you step out of it and things go wrong out of the circle.

There are always downside to this circle though, life's a bitch afterall...

A circle that u just keep repeating non-stop, that u never see the end of it.

A circle that exhaust you so bad and u turn around and realize u have to go thru it again the next day.

A circle that keeps you in it, and u can't seem to get out of.

A circle that used to complete you starts to take bits n pieces away from you, and you felt like it's starting to eat you up inside.

A circle that goes round and round and round...

I don't ask, it's cause there is no point knowing.

I don't say a thing, doesn't mean I don't know.

I don't give a shit, doesn't mean I don't care.

There are things that should be left unsaid, so unnecessary arguments can be avoided.

Honestly, i'm sick of being not good enough, and it's not even to satisfy my ego.

I just want to be taken seriously, appreciated for the person I am.

I'm done trying to prove myself.

I smile, but that doesn't mean I am okay.

Girls just wanna have fun

2009-07-07T03:38:00.002+08:00

Just a short and random post dedicated to every girl out there...

The internet is such a wonderful networking system... you have amazing networking sites like Facebook, Hi5, Friendster (super outdated but still, one of the first few), bla, bla bla... They are great, especially if u wanna reconnect with Ex-schoolmates, ex-colleagues, long lost friends, long lost siblings, ex-lovers and whatnots... Everyone can be easily found online, or most of it at least.

These sites are also good for meeting n making new friends. (Caution for the young and naive, be careful when u decide to meet strangers) Anyway my point is, it gets a bit irritating when u have random people who will not stop bugging you online...Random, i'm talking about really random strangers who likes how cute/sexy/slutty you look in the pictures that u post up on these sites. And will not stop bugging you until you chat with them/ add them on your page/ give any human possible respond...

And that is fucking annoying.
Don't tell me i should stop putting up my sexy/cute/slutty pictures, because hey, It's not really my fault that they find me irresistable.

To counter that, there are a few ways you can try to repel all these unnecessary attention... (and most of the time, they DO work..)

1) The Age Trick
These people would surely ask how old are you...
Tell them you are 10 or more years older than your real age, best if it's old enough to be the other person's mom/grandmother. And tell them you are fun-loving and young at heart, but you're divorced, have one kid, and looking for a ready-made husband :)

2) The Gender Trick
Tell them the picture you saw was AFTER surgery. And thank them graciously for thinking you are hot :D You can ask them back if they wanna see your severed appendage.. (this works if you are a girl)

3) This one works even better, probably the most effective of them all...
BLOCK THEM

A girl has got to know how to protect herself, cuz the only person they could trust at all times, is THEMSELVES.

ok thanks bye.. til then

i have been here many times before...

2009-07-01T02:14:00.003+08:00

When you were younger, you hoped to be someone great when u grow up.
You wanna be a star, you wanna change lives, you wanna build dreams...

Then as time passes along, you are faced with expectations, faults, and the harsh realities in life.
Then you realised that sometimes you can't be everything u want.
And sometimes everything you want is not exactly everything u NEED.
Then it comes to a realisation that everybody has only 24 hours a day, seven days a week and 365 days a year.

You hoped that one day everything will fall into place, but somehow it never happens.
Because true enough, u never have enough time to do EVERYTHING u WANT.
You can do everything u want, just not great at it. "Jack of all trades, Master of NONE"
However you CAN be great, by choosing what you NEED. and put the rest to secondary.

But somehow u just grew so attached to the things that you build yourself to be and you can't get out of it.

Things that have intertwined in your life, that can be so potentially good in different ways, but come together and kill you from the pressure of it.

Things that require your attention like a newborn baby who cries to his mother to his every whim, and makes u feel guilty when you attend to it, but deep down inside u know there's no can do about it... because u have only 24 hours a day.

Things that will break your heart and rip you apart if you choose one over the other. Vice versa. Because u hold them both dear to your heart just like the back of your hands.

Things that u know will kill you if you held them tightly and refuse to choose. Things that make u stagnant, not GREAT, but just okay enough to past the day, just mediocre... Things u know that if u choose one, you will be extraordinary in it.

And in the midst of dealing with these things, when overprivilledged ppl come complaining how their lives are miserable, u wanna throw it back to their face and say, FUCK OFF! YOU WANNA BE ME FOR A DAY? I DON'T FUCKING CARE, IF U HAVE SO MUCH MISERY LIVING THE CHARMED LIFE, GO JUMP OFF THE CLIFF. LIFE'S A BITCH, DEAL WITH IT!

Okay, am done ranting. If u think i'm talking about you, no... jangan perasan.
k thanx bye.

I'm married, but i don't know

2009-06-23T00:13:00.003+08:00

something funny happened today...

I was a replacement teacher to prepare some kids for a Jazz Dance competition. Ok.. the focus wasn't on the teaching... it went absolutely well, thank you :)
As i was wrapping up to go home, i bid goodbye to Tony, one of the music teachers of the school. Then he said,

" Oh, say hi to your husband for me. :)"

WHAT THE....
since when was i married? *thinks to self*

" You are kidding rite, Tony?" *o.O*
"Oh, say hi to Chee Wei for me, k? Why, what's wrong?"
" Nothing's wrong, i'll say hi, but i'm not married, never did." *lol*
"What?! All the while i thought the both of you are happily married... Gosh..."
"HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA... okay... now we've got things cleared! gotta go, bye!"

Now that i've cleared ONE out of 3987639629684 misunderstood people who thinks i'm married, i'm making progress... Yup! *nods enthusiastically*

Laugh all u want okay?
I think that kinda contributes to my long term singlehood -____-"

til then

Can't get over that first love, ever.

2009-06-03T01:26:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking to myself for the past few days...

What if, i've never done cheerleading in my whole life?
What would i be doing?

Honestly, i don't think i'll be doing anything at all. I'll be a nobody doing nothing special without an aim in my life. I really do think i owe it to cheerleading that got me where i am today. Cheerleading has shaped me into a more confident, self assured individual. Cheerleading has taught me that dreams are important and it makes life seemed much more meaningful. I've had the courage to go after my dreams and not be afraid to pursue what i think is right.

Cheerleading has also uncovered and nurtured my passion for dancing, i always used to love watching ppl dance, dreaming about dancing and wishing i could move like the ppl i watch but never had the courage to step up there and do it. Not that i can move very well, my techniques still suck balls, but hey, a first step will always lead to more steps, bigger steps and bolder steps.

My father used to tell me that the best job in the world is the one u wake up every morning with a big smile n eager to go to work. And i'm following that piece of advice very very closely. Every morning i'm thankful that i'm so blessed to be doing what i'm doing now. Coaching cheerleading and dancing is such an exhausting but fulfilling job. The satisfaction of hitting a perfect technique, mastering a double pirrouette or knowing that the kids you coach mastered a skill, is like no other, nothing else beats that kinda feeling. Nobody can make me feel differently about it.

Not even good sex i tell u.... hahahaha kidding...

What i meant to say is, i'm grateful for cheerleading that brought me to where i am today. It's like a first love that last for a long long time after when u first fell for each other.

And if i'm not doing cheerleading, i think i'll be working in a regular 9 to 5 job which i will eventually hate and wishing i had the chance to dance and do cheerleading while watching ESPN at 40 years old.

ughh *shudders in fear*

thanks but no thanks.

on another note, i'm going to cheer camp with my beloved old high school team, Vulcanz in 10 hours time. Gotta go pack now!!! WHEEE~

kthxbye

Gahh ness

2009-06-02T03:05:00.004+08:00

Okay it's a weird post title... but u'll understand if i tell you why.

I got an A- for my thesis.
A- isn't a bad result, though i did expected more. Then i found out the marks of my results...
I got 79marks, ONE FUCKING MARK SHORT OF AN A!!! GAHHHH...
It's weird cause I really have no idea if i shud be happy it wasn't lesser than what i've obtained, or fucked up cause it's one mark short of an A. I'm certainly not doubting the examiner's judgement, but if given more time i'd have done a better job. But hey, everyone's given the same amount of time... so no excuses for me.
Sigh.. but anyway, At least it's a high A-. So yeah, i have no regrets.

ANyway... moving on to more important stuff :)

Thank you to Prof. Anis, Daddy of Dance dept University Malaya, my thesis supervisor who had been strict and patient to guide me along this grueling task.

Thank you Poh Gee for staying up with us helping us get through it even when u have 12939558 things to do. Thank you Abang Hamid for generously loaning us your books n giving bits n pieces of advices to guide us when we were all so damn clueless. The both of you are like our guardian angels and i feel we won't make it without the both of u.

Thank you to all my lovely classmates, CW, Xpor, SLing, May, Aiwi, and Ling for supporting each other's back throughout the way, it's alot easier to bear when u know u have companions fighting for the same cause.

Thank you Kak Munie and Kak Nurul for being there to help us on reference books and giving tips on getting started and structuring our thesis.

Thank u Adelle for always giving me mental support n encouragement, it means the world to me.
Thank u Ee Von and Cat for letting me spend the night with the lights on, disturbing your sleep and being understanding for my very fucking irrational thesis-writing behaviour.
And Thank u Jian, for helping me proof read my very salah england. I'm deeply sorry to torture u with my atrocious writing.
Love u guys millions!!!

Thank you to my very understanding family who've been worried sick cuz the daughter comes home losing weight each time they see her yet level-headed enough to not panic and never failed to show unconditional love by letting the daughter do her thing independently.

And thank you, my friends who've lent me a shoulder to cry on when life seemed to overbearing at that moment. Thank u for keeping me sane. You know who u are :)

ok toodles!

mutants n superpowers

2009-05-26T01:29:00.003+08:00

Watched X-men the other day...

Me: *drools at the topless Hugh Jackman* Oh how i wish i was that girl who shares his house...

Male Friend: why?

Me: so i get to wake up to a topless wolverine every morning :D

Male Friend: I wish i was that girl too.

Me: SEE! I always knew u had gay tendencies!!

Male Friend: No... so i can play with my boobs all day :D

Me: -__-"

A friend asked me if i were a mutant, what sort of superpowers do i wanna have?
The conversation is pretty pointless la... but since it's not gonna happen so would be kinda fun to think about... hahaha
If i had superpowers i hoped it'd be telepathy or telekinesis...

Mind reading would be kinda cool...
Moving object with your mind is even cooler... no need to lift a finger to do it... hahahaha
*slaps self for being so damn lazy*

But i guess the best would be invisibility... u know why?
i get to run around naked! no need to put on clothes!!! YAY!!

ok bye..

2009-05-13T04:36:00.004+08:00

We were as one babe

For a moment in time

And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time cant erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my,....my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
You will always be my baby

I'm listening to repeats of David Cook's version, hoping it would feel better in time...

I guess things are gonna be different as time passes.

I'm gonna miss every single moment shared.

I'll never ever forget how closely bonded we were.

Every experience is always a first cause it's always with somebody different, and believe me, it is special.

Take care. Love always.

kawan kawan

2009-03-25T14:30:00.004+08:00

Stumbled upon something someone wrote today. Sigh... it wasn't very pleasant, not about me, but this person was being very rude to someone that is close to me. But i kinda guessed that person will never change his/her/its (to protect this rude person's identity, see i'm such a nice person, how can u not love me?) ways.

Why is it that everything that comes out of your mouth is always deragatory to other people?

Why are u always so mean to other people?

Why are u being such a hypocrite all the time?

Why do u like to put people down to make yourself look good?

Honestly, to me and to everybody that u've shown your true colours, u are only 2 inches tall u know?

Sigh, this stupid ass once told me:" Sigh, Cheng Choo, i don't have much friends. I don't know why they always hate me and avoid me after being friends for awhile... Thank u for being my friend."

oh. fuck.the.bullcrap.

By now, even your so-called BFFE (best friends forever and ever, and it's not me) has turn their backs on u cuz they realised what a fucking hypocrite u are. You only do things for nobody but yourself, and u shud stop begging for sympathy. U know better the reason why u have no friends.

Like i said, and i've told u before, looks and body will deteriorate when we age day by day, beauty only prevails through the heart and mind and the compassion u show to others.

When your not-very-impressive-looks and not-very-impressive-body age by the years, i'm sure u r only left with nobody but yourself. You can be arrogant about it, but at least the rest of us are happy because we have friends, TRUE FRIENDS.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok.

thesis submission is 2 weeks away.

gotta be busier than ever. But no worries, i will prevail!

*does the Alexander pose*

i pray that all my other friends will survive this period of shitstress together.

We will all graduate together, and i love all of u very much. Thank u for being a family to me.

on a happier note,

I'm gonna have a long long holiday after April!!!

Wheeeeee~

so for now i need to go stuff my face into books and i won't be back until then.

spongebob wants to lie on top of the paddy fields~

thesis makes me feel stupid

2009-03-16T21:36:00.003+08:00

Found something interesting here.

http://jcs.biologists.org/cgi/content/full/121/11/1771

Well, pretty much sums up how i feel throughout thesis writing.
It's all gonna be okay... *hypnotises*
:)

the angels sing

2009-03-10T11:37:00.003+08:00

"There can be miracle, when u beileve,
Though hope is frail... it's hard to kill..
U will when u, believe"

Times are difficult, some of us are on the verge of breaking down.
Amidst the stress of meeting deadlines, expectations and obstacles in-between,
there are people who make u feel life isn't so bad after all.
It's difficult now, but it won't stop n we know it can only get better.
Keep up with your hard work... n keep believing that u can.
May u have a wonderful year this 2009. i wish u success, health, love and nothing less than that.
Take care and Happy birthday.

country road, take me home

2009-03-02T15:55:00.002+08:00

It's been an emotionally taxing weekend.
I realised about the importance of doing things that kept me really busy but sane, things i haven't been able to do for a long time.
I missed cheerleading.
I missed doing stunts, tensing n smiling like a cheerleader.
I missed everybody in the team. Even those that i'm not particularly close, i still miss them all.
I missed hanging out late at McDs talking about stupid things n laugh like idiots.
I missed Kwang Tung Dance training. I miss everybody in KT, especially Sam's laughter.
I missed being scolded for petty things like not pointing my toes.
I missed doing difficult techniques n sweating my heart out.
I missed Mr.Chong's gymnastics classes.
I missed having pork porridge with Mama Bev.
I missed having girlie nite outs with my girlfriends.
I missed going home having dinner with my family, i miss hugging Spongebob to sleep.
I miss everything i once had before this, and it is still waiting for me but i can't go back until my work is over.
I miss my life, i want it back.
It doesn't even matter if it hurts, or if i've exhausted every ounce of my strengths. It doesn't matter cuz it's my life.
It will all be over soon, i hope.

Fuckface

2009-02-24T12:03:00.002+08:00

Thanx for reminding me why i refused to work with u.
Thanx for reminding me AGAIN why we did not get along.
Thanx for reminding me again what a sneaky little two-faced, cocksucking hypocrite u are.
u really really disgusts me.

a jumble of thoughts

2009-02-19T13:42:00.002+08:00

I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms to the incorigible burden. It didn't matter, as i can see light at the end of the tunnel, that's what kept me going. It didn't matter even when unreasonable sacrifices has to be done. In the midst of tears, blood , sweat and pain, i've found a family outside from the ones i was biologically related to. In the midst of all the insane yet mundane routine, i've found what i want. I refused to clarify, i refused to be clear on things i know there's no definite answer. In fact, i don't need an answer, i need an escape. Happiness needs no justification, no definition... it is a mysterious secret place where it only belongs to me and no one else, and clarifying it takes the magic away from happiness. Call me delusional, i'd say i'm already beyond that.

But i'm happy. It doesn't matter what the future brings....
What matters is right here, right now.

a ray of light

2009-02-06T09:59:00.002+08:00

Dear Friend,

thank u for making life seem better again,
thank u for making me don't feel so shitty after all,
thank u for not taking things too seriously,
and thank u, for i'm smiling again.
I'm happy, so thank u.

:)

-

2009-02-04T04:24:00.002+08:00

I'm abso-fucking-lutely screwed.
It's so stressful it's not even funny anymore.

Die la

2009-02-02T19:07:00.003+08:00

U know u r in trouble when u get panic attacks when the library is closed. On a public holiday.
U know u r kinda screwed when u sit there for a whopping 6 hours n u haven't got 2 pages done.
U know it's time to think of which fast food joint to apply for jobs when u wake up in the middle of the night cuz u GOT SCARED BY THE AMOUNT OF WORK NOT DONE. YET.

I'm am so fucked. What was i thinking?

*practicing**Clears Throat*

"would u like fries with that, sir?"

*burst out crying out of frustration*

-

2009-01-08T04:41:00.001+08:00

went out.

came back.

can't do it cuz i felt like i'd be cheating on u.

Damn u.

Now do it with me

2008-12-16T02:39:00.002+08:00

Hmm... i don't think anybody is reading this stupid blog since i've been neglecting it for such a long time due to my non-stop ongoing workload and unavailability of internet connection during work. oh well, this is just for fun to see if anybody still reads this thing. Well i stumbled upon this in Ms.Choi's blog, so now it gives me something interesting to write about. (Talk about boring and mundane routine @_@)Leave me your name in the comment box and i will do the following:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a color I feel suits you.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. I'll tell you my favorite thing about you.
9. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you.
10. If you play, you MUST do the same for me and post this on your blog.

til then

i'm tulan with the toothfairy

2008-11-24T15:43:00.002+08:00

omg. wisdom tooth is growing and it fc*king hurts like a bitch. been having mild fever for 3 days going on 4 now...

bitch.

-

2008-11-21T06:26:00.003+08:00

WARNING @ DISCLAIMER: This is a serious ranting post, if u have an allergic reaction to rants, please click the little red box with an X on the right high corner of the screen. The blogger n blog management is not responsible for any mishaps or chaos caused by reading this post. And all characters involved are fictional, all coincidents are coincidental. So in this case, if u think i'm talking about u, no, no, no, i'm not.
No. I am not.

I'm not a babysitter.
I'm not a tuition teacher.
I'm not a mother.
I'm only attached, married and committed to work, study and family(which solely includes blood-related family members), nothing more nothing less.

Asking stupid questions makes me angry.
Giving me emotional blackmail makes me more angry.
Assuming something i'm not makes me even MORE angry.
Assuming then expecting something back from me makes me wanna blow up in your face n tell u: I'M NOT, IT NEVER WILL BE, NOT NOW AND NOT EVER, GET IT? GROW UP! STOP PISSING ME OFF BEFORE I PUNCH U IN THE FACE!

*balloon deflates*

phew.

boys called u sexy n u don't care what they say

2008-11-17T21:12:00.004+08:00

hey hey! i'm back!

but sorry... pics need to be uploaded 1st.
I took a whoppin'-big-ass 500+ pics for this trip, hence, editing may require some time.

Ahem*reasons to procrastinate*ahem

anyways, had a funny convo with my mum when i was browsing through my pics on Facebook...

Mom: Wow, u can be a model lo.. (exclaiming when she saw some pics)
Me: cannot la ma, i'm so fat, compared to those sticklike models, like pig only...
Mom: No ma.. sometimes the photographer may want something different ma. *giggling*
Me: -_____-" what do u mean "something different"? means u say i fat la?
Mom: No, No, No... They may want a different image ma... like those cute babies, round n cuddly...
Me: wow, ma, thanx ar.

-_____________________________-"""""""

i know i'm not stick-thin, but i'm definitely not fat. Just a little on the curvy side. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Womanly curves are good :D

I think body image is something that many people have difficulty embracing it. It has become one of the main reasons to some very unhealthy lifestyle n eating habits. Which also contributed to the rising of eating disorders plaguing young people especially females. It is very stressful to be constantly under peer pressure that size negative zero is the best size to be in.

It took me a long way to come and accept myself n to love n respect my body the way i do now. I'm thankful that i've been through the rough patches in life to get to where i am today. oh well, it's never too late to start living for yourself, nobody but yourself. Life is too short NOT to give it our best.

Start lovin' the curves, babeh!
til then.

this post is just for the sake of pending the delay of my picture upload :D

randomness

2008-11-16T00:43:00.004+08:00

hmm.. there are things about myself that i've come to discover, or some really close people of mine discovered n told me about them.

let's see...

I have a peculiar (i wouldn't call it bad cuz it hasn't done any harm to anybody) habit of reading messages on people's t-shirt. And when i can't figure out what the words are, I STARE. Which sometimes causes me some unnecessary attention. People checking me out checking on their t-shirt -__-" oh well, slogan tees are meant to send a message, don't they?

I chew my nails when i get nervous, alot.

I leave nailmarks on my body when i get nervous too, ALOT. yes, i'm a sado-masochist, bring on the pain, babeh!

I prefer phone calls than smses :)

I hate motorcyclist, especially those that take their lives for granted just because the government imply a rule that gives them handicap in ALL cases of accidents. Stupid motorcyclist who cuts through the left lanes, speeding rempits, hit and run, and oh-God-Forbid! snatch thieves!!! Hate them all!

oh, and those parents who carry three to four kids (without helmets) on one measly little motorbike. Call me heartless, but if u don't have enough money to get a car, why did it even cross your mind to have so many kids? And why take them all on a bike? okay enough about motorcyclist...

I show affection by sniffing on a person's shoulders. not the pervish kind ok?

oh well, unless if that person looks like Jensen Ackles :D

I'm a sucker of romance, flowers and old-school chivalry :)

hmm..4 more hours and i'm gonna be away for a vacation, whoopie!! and i'm too damn excited to go to bed...hehe

oh well, til then for now.

toodles!

holding my heart out in my hand

2008-11-15T00:07:00.003+08:00

Picture courtesy of LaraJade

It's about time u discover what's your worth.

To know what u really deserved,

Stop falling for the wrong person, over n over again.

Stop being a substitute,

Stop being denied of an answer that u deserved to know,

stop being a 'generator',

so that u can be that emergency 'just-in-case'.

If u can't be "the ONE" now, there's a slim chance u will ever be.

It's about time to stop being a jerk magnet.

Sometimes u r better off being alone,

than being hurt over n over again...

pining for someone, someone who is n never will be yours.

When i look at u, my heart breaks.

It makes me wanna pull u close n tell u that everything is gonna be ok.

I love u, it's time to love yourself too.

til then.

-

2008-11-14T23:27:00.002+08:00

Had the most awesome time with bunch of very awesome, enthusiastic people. They are from Catholic High School, the all-girls cheerleading team. Reminds me of my forgotten days back in high school, those times getting all ready to do new stunts, thinking nothing at all but only cheer, cheer and cheer.

Sigh. I think i'm getting old.
will post pictures soon.

oh ya, just when i was about to declare my long-awaited-well-deserved holiday break.

I.VE.BEEN.BITTEN.BY.THE.FLU/FEVER/COUGH/SORETHROAT.BUG
yes, it's rainbow colour cuz my face has different colour hues when it strikes.
NOOOOOO~ i wanna a break, but not by spending it on the bed!!!!

The Big Guy up there really do have a wicked sense of humour -__-"

til then.

-

2008-11-11T04:31:00.002+08:00

oh man, blogger always has this bad habit of fucking up my posts whenever i have the urge, or rather, already type a bigass long post.

sigh. It's already the last paper n my faith to hold on is waning. I'm already semi giving up on the stupid subject. Seriously, it's a pile of bullcrap that don't even make sense. Why am i always being subjected involuntarily into waves of nauseatic stupidity? I hate rubbish subjects. Call me arrogant and snobby i don't care. Life is too short to be wasted on stupidity, let alone spending precious time on something that u learn nothing. Irony isn't it?

I.NEED.A.FUCKING.BREAK

or a break to fuck

....

kidding.

but i do seriously need a break, and hols is coming soon. I can't wait :D
the time now is 4.37am, i'm still awake trying to cram stupid things into my head so i can give stupid answer to meet the idiot's stupid expectations.

oh em gee...
will have more happy posts, soon.

til then

Project Rail/ Heroes Premiere/ Prom the Musical

2008-11-09T12:17:00.015+08:00

Updates!

hmm... sorry i've been away for far too long.. there has been a few projects i've been involved with.

1st and foremost, i was involved in the dance dept's 1st batch graduation final year project. it is like a showcase of choreography by three graduating seniors of mine. Kak nurul, my senior *love u lots* initially asked me to help her out by being one of her dancers in her work titled "Rail". Not knowing what to expect,I agreed.

The theme of her choreograhy is about relationships and making choices in the transitions of emotions between human relations. To the choreographer, Rail, as in the railway train track is analogous to human relationships. The people that we've encountered in our lives could accompany us by giving advices and walking hand in hand with us, regardless whom they may be, friend, sibling, lovers, foe, acquaintance of any kind, but the only person who can make decision to how we wanna lead our lives is ourselves. And that the railway track is always parallel, close side by side but never intersecting.

Rail also depicts the emotional transitions of relationship through the eyes of a woman.

I feel deeply for this choreography as it hits close to home. The emotional buildup heighthens and has very abrupt changes which one can relate closely to. I thank kak nurul for giving me the opportunity to be a part of this amazing experience, i also thank kak munie and abang sya (dancers) for being such a wonderful team together.

there are other 2 pieces by my other two graduating seniors- "Semalu" by Saliha Likun and "Panji Semerang" by Ma Nor Huda Mohd Mansor. "Semalu" is about the role of a woman in the society as a mother, sister, and wife, whose duty makes one woman strong yet gentle like the mimosa plant, which is called semalu in malay.

"Panji Semerang" is a dance drama which takes the plot of an old folk tale about a royal princess' mother has been assasinated, then she disguised herself as a man to escape and search for her fiancee at another land, which she comes back to her motherland and reclaim victory.

there's is a review by Dancer/choreographer, Bilqis Hijjas, who also came to watch the performance that day. click here

ok not gonna be too wordy... here's pictures!

crew hard at work!

super StageManagers: Aiwi n porpor

Rail Rehearsal

Semalu Stage Blocking

Panji Semerang stage blocking

Warming up

Green Room

Performance-trio

Best Friends

Relationships

The choreographer n me

Kak munie n mr.puppet

Abang Sya n me

<3>

Super ASM n me

From L: Lingling,BFFE,rikko, sya,sim,cindy,margaret,moi,norulle

Cast n crew!

Second batch: CLASSMATES!!

Love u all laaaa

<3rail<3>

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Next up.. i 'm also involved in Heroes Season 3 Premiere which was held in Pavilion KL not too long ago. We had to dress like the "new and improved" Claire Bennet, the immortal cheerleader who seem indestructible. Shana is the "uninjured" Claire Bennet in the Costa Verde High cheerleading attire. We had to role play in a short skit where a mutant prisoner breaks out and chases after Shana. It was pretty funny cuz we had to go on a screaming frenzy without laughing out loud. But all in all it was fun... here are more pictures!!

Charm Babes(sze wern is missing cuz she is being "cut in the forehead")

and then we all got "cut in the forehead" except for shana

Kick the baddie! :D

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Now in between all those projects, i helped out CW as co-choreographer in Sri KDU high school's Full Length musical production- Prom The Musical. It was a stage production in conjunction with their Performance and Awards Nite, something like a Grammy-awards event where the teachers present awards to deserving students who have contributed and achieved success throughout the school year. I felt that the awards event has created many opportunities for these promising children so that they have an aim for success.

Ok back to Prom the Musical...

Prom the Musical has a simple plot but backed up by fun and entertaining songs borrowed by famed broadway hits like Hairspray and Grease. The plot centers around 6 performing arts student preparing for their senior prom. During the preparation for their prom, they learn to deal with deep emotional issues and friendships are tested.

Due to time constraint, and final exams in the way, we only had 13 rehearsals to put everything together. This young people are so much fun to work with. The choreographers: Shan, Zen, CW n me, we were also tested to race against time to put up a great show, at the same time making sure that the cast n ensemble enjoyed the whole production process as well.

I deeply thank Mr.Zachary Wong for letting me be a part of this wonderful production. Mrs.Chan the headmistress of Sri KDU was a darling, this wonder woman who continuously insisted the best out of the students really made a difference to the whole production of the show. The cast and ensemble were amazing. They tirelessly trained for the production, having to come early in the morning and being so cooperative despite a few mishaps during rehearsals.

ok!Ok!.. not too wordy... i'll let the pictures do the talking.

us and wonderwoman,Mrs Chan.

me,mel,cw

during practice :)

Love u i do scene

Curtain Call

liyen n me

sze wern n me

me n shan

wan ru :)

the choreographers

my lovely coursemates who came to watch

the group picture that never turn out right.haha..

cw, where r u looking?

ok, now u r looking but everybody else isn't...

great...now shan is not looking -___-"

it's ok i still love u guys :D

actually my mom came too but i didn't manage to take a picture with her due to running up n down n being nervous downstage while these little daredevils take the stage. sigh. Anyway, thanx ma for coming to support, i appreciate it tremendously.

This is my first ever choreography effort, and it meant a lot to me that these wonderful young people actually staged what we (me n cw) envisioned for the choreography. I'm so happy and touched even if it only a span of less than a month working with these people. I think i'm gonna miss them loads.

Rock on, Sri KDU-ans!

til then!

-

2008-10-11T03:03:00.002+08:00

Today i hurt someone whom i love very much. I made someone sad.

I'm sorry. I don't mean it.

Today, i'm a fuckface.

Today is a bad day.

-

2008-10-09T03:29:00.003+08:00

It's fine if u can't be honest with me. But it sucks totally that u r completely dishonest with yourself.

Why act like u care when u actually don't? or rather, why even care if it all dun matter at all to u? And so what if u r different? we all have skeletons in our closets. I told u mine, i was stupid cuz i thought u were different. And u can't even tell me the truth even when i put my heart out in my hands. Words can spread, n only the beholder knows the truth. U can keep on lying to yourself, and in the end u WILL walk alone.

To let me hear it from others hurts more than to hear it from u. Are u ashamed of yourself? if not, then why can't u admit? I'm not the kind who crumbles when u put brutal honesty to my face, in fact, come what may. Bring on the truth and i will take it like a man. Stop pretending u are afraid to hurt ppl's feelings when it is only u who is afraid of how u really feel.

I'm disappointed with u.

feel like crap now, gonna go sleep before i tear down the place.

hit me baby one more time

2008-09-24T02:43:00.003+08:00

ARGHHHHH!!!!!

*stamps feet* *pulls hair* *spin around in circles*

I DUN WANNA DO HOMEWORK!
I DUN WANNA GO PRACTICE!
I DUN WANNA WORK OUT!
I DUN WANNA DO ASSIGNMENTS!
I DUN WANNA WRITE THESIS!
I DUN WANNA GO TO CLASS!
I DUN WANNA WORK!
I DUN WANT I DUN WANT I DUN WANT!!!!
I NEED A HOLIDAY!!!!! I WANNA EAT LIKE A PIG N SLEEP ALL DAY AND WAIT FOR MONEY TO FALL FROM THE SKY!!!! I WANNA PRAY THAT I WIN THE LOTTERY SO I CAN RETIRE EARLY!!!

I'm now at the point of attempting to run away from reality. This is bad.

okay ranting's over, time to get back to work.

*chants*

I promise i will keep in shape n do the best of my responsibilities.

I promise i will keep in shape n do the best of my responsibilities.....

>T___T<

a very bad joke

2008-09-24T02:26:00.002+08:00

Trust isn't something easy to get. Ask a person who've been stabbed at the back by someone they thought were their closest friend. Once it's ripped apart, mending it might just be an impossible task. The bond is imperfect, with cuts and leakages, tainted with insecurities.

Once it's gone, it's gone.
U can never really trust anybody nowadays. Not for me.
Call me bitter or watever u want, (and that's if i give two flying fucks about) I'm not leaving my heart out in the open to let anybody ripped it apart, spit it on the floor and stamp on it again.
And i will not give more than what i feel is enough for anybody.

and if u cross the border, i won't ignore, i WILL bite back, and i make sure u hurt..... real bad.

-

2008-09-05T09:32:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure if you would read this, not even sure if u knew the existense of this blog. But i guess it's about time i back-off now. Don't worry, there's no obligations neither was there any expectations from u. It's just that letting u know how i feel still doesn't not get me wat i want.

I need a resolution, i need to know where to go from here, i need to know if we think the same.
But i still do not know. It's unfair to me that i'm left with open ended answers with no solutions.

I have too much in my hands to handle now that it's driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking, i wish i could but i can't.
What u say or think mattered a lot to me, which becomes a burden when it's only me here feeling this way.

I'm an idiot, i know.
but for now, that's about it, i'm done.

happy 51st birthday Malaysia!

2008-08-31T01:28:00.003+08:00

51 years ago, it was such an important day because the nation has finally declared independence, free from the clutches of foreign authorities. However, the importance of the meaning Merdeka, has somehow lost its significance to the nation, it became merely "another public holiday" to most younger generation.
Don't you agree?

Let's evaluate what the the country means to us, what could've been better. That we could all contribute just by changing our mindsets and standpoint, thus changing our attitude towards the country. We maybe nobody alone, but as a nation, particularly the younger generation, we are something.

So please vote k?

that historical moment

"hey, going anywhere to celebrate Merdeka?"
"yeah i have a date."
"OH REALLY, how nice! Who's Mr.Lucky?"
"Yeah, a date with the idiot box watching a sweaty crowd of Malaysians watching fireworks on national TV. Then another date with my pillow later at night cuz tomorrow still have class."
-________-"""

Yes, i have no life.

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia.

one hand in my pocket

2008-08-29T05:10:00.004+08:00

Reborn and shivering,
spat out on new terrain,

unsure, unconvincing,
this faint and shaky hour.

Day one, day one,
Starts all over again,

Step one, step one,

I'm barely making sense

From now i'm faking it, till i'm pseudo-making it,

From scratch begins, again, but,

This time I as I,

Not as We.

"Not As We" -Alanis Morissette-

Fighting a difficult and almost impossible battle, from time to time, wears me out a little bit.

I'm not a saint, i'm not immortal, and i'm only human. Thus, it's only all too normal that i might just bruise and bleed a little.

They say time heals, i can never agree more. Suddenly, things that once seemed so important don't seem to have that weightage anymore. Memories starts to fade a little, and the wound isn't bleeding anymore. Each day seem to be a better day, that i learn something about myself to love.

I can't seem to fathom a person's motives maybe for some of the things people do. But hey, it doesn't matter. I guess they weren't sure of themselves either. Looking back, i think the only thing i could do now, is to forgive myself. Forgive my own mistakes, and know that it's ok, that i'm gonna be fine.

Life still goes on, but with all those unnecessary baggage off the shoulders, the long rocky road isn't so long and doesn't feel as bumpy now. I'm thankful. And i pray to always able to find inner peace and understanding for all the things i do in life. Life is downright unfair, is tough, can sometimes be a real bitch, but life is hell lotsa fun!

I've laid down all my cards, i've nothing to hide, and nothing to lose. I'm going all out cuz there's just so much to gain. If humans were to appreciate and respect the value of honesty, life would have less misery.

I know i'm on the right track now. And thank u, i love u guys for making it possible.

love u all <3

good times goes by fast

2008-08-24T19:52:00.005+08:00

Yenn and Lynn, take care ok? It's only been a short short holiday together but it's been damn fulfilling. Outings, practices, competing(woots!), sleepovers, stupid yet ridiculously funny happenings(yes, u know what i mean), we had em' all compacted in one week!!! that's bloody amazing rite?

I hope we have more n more of these to come, and i hope u guys be able to come home soon. I'll be keeping my bestest wishes that u all will have the bestest of bestest time ever in the States.

I can't control how fast time can pass while u two are away, so i'll just save all the fun stuff til u all get back here to join us again. (or maybe me n cw come over instead :D)
All in all, take care n good luck. Someone will be watching over u two :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it gets more daunting each day when u have to be in many places at one time.
it feels as if people expects the best out of u each n every single time.
It's tiring. and sometimes u just feel like u don't care anymore.
But nevertheless, thinking of something u said is what really gets me by.

"I never allow myself to feel reluctant, cuz it will get to me n things will never get done"

I need to see u soon.
Yes, time to get on up again!!
Class starts tomorrow :(

Shoo!

2008-08-22T03:40:00.004+08:00

hey you,yes you, the one with the dick as a brain.
i'm sorry u had too much emotional baggage u can't handle yourself normally, thus the disgusting behavior by treating women like dirt/slave/crap/anything that can serve ur pleasure yet is worthless.
And it's a pity that u never really utilise what ur parents or ur former educators(dunno if u went to school) taught u, cuz i think u talk trash with your freaking asshole. Oops, i forgot, U ARE A WALKING ASSHOLE. Oh well, pls respect your female counterpart. Talk like u've received education in your life or many will regard u as a caveman n take u away to do further experimentations. Dun be an earsore, and go do something with yourself if u wanna have a life.

On another note, i'm sorry, u can't have me and u will never have me because u cannot afford me. i repeat, CANNOT AFFORD.
I'm the best thing ever that u cannot have. And i'm not the least bit interested in what u can offer.

Go away ok? a man SHOULD have some dignity.

til then

got tagged by little sandra.

2008-08-19T08:01:00.002+08:00

Tagged by Schan.

1. Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation
2. Tag 5 other people to do the same once you’ve finished answering every question.

--------------
1. The Age You'll be on your next birthday

2. A place you’d like to travel to:

Hawaii!!

...and dance with the hula maidens ^-^

3. Your favourite place:

the bathroom, my favourite thinking spot

4. Your favourite food:

Italiannies's Calamari Caesar Salad *simply orgasmic*

finished with Gelato ice cream!!! :D

5.Your Favourite pet:

So cute can die

Baby Maltese!!

6.Favourite colour Combination:

Baby pink and Black

7. Favourtie piece of clothing

Little black dress, versatility tops my list...

8. Your All-time favourite song:

9. Favourite TV show:

Grey's Anatomy!!one of the only things i'm religious about.

The other thing i'm equally religious too.

Supernatural

10. First name of your significant other/ crush:

11.The town in which u lived:

Subang Jaya

12.Screen name/ Nickname:

Go figure, goddess~

13. Your First Job

Kindergarten teacher

14. Your Dream Job

Dancer, am working on it...It's been a childhood dream

15. A bad habit you have:

Being forgetful, but that makes me the best person to tell ur secrets to :)

16. Your worst fear:

Loss of a loved one

17. The one thing you’d like to do before you die:

Bungee Jump!!

I tag:

-Sue Lynn

-Sue Yenn

-Adelle Soo

-Choi Ee Von

-Kimberly Mehta

Til then.

the loud bitch

2008-08-19T06:29:00.003+08:00

Had a convo on MSN with a close friend the other day...
Me=pink font
friend=blue font

"Hey, boring la, what are doing now?"
"Nothing lo.. LOL What are u doing?"
"Nothing, that's why i'm bored."
"Then what do u feel like doing?"
"Have sex." *in a non-chalant way*

silence for a moment...and his response was...

"Wah, u really so desperate meh?"

0.O

Men. Men. Men.
The thing about men is, they find a girl being outspoken with her views n opinion as a threat somehow. What's wrong with being vocal and out about what u really want? even when it comes to things that certain people deemed as TABOO, like sex.

So what? Now men can openly discuss about the size n shape of a woman's boobs and how many women he'd like to or probably did with, and women can't? Fuck whoever who thinks so.

And to those womenfolk who thinks that they are subjected to present themselves as the fairer, or shall i say "WEAKER" sex, do not, i repeat, DO NOT DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED BY THE REST OF US. The rest of whom who stand up for themselves and never allow themselves to the submission of this patriarchy society.

Oh well, I'm just saying what came across my mind at that point of the moment, just like how u guys would do when a hot chick crosses ur path. And it is not like i would do it that point of the moment, same like how u would never had the balls to walk up and say hi to the girl. So yeah, that's my point.

And to the norm, men having sex is similar to validating their social status like it's the most normal thing, "the man thing" u say?
While women on the other hand, are called degradatory names like slut n bitch, and DESPERATE?

My question is, WHAT IS THE NORM? WHO DECIDES IT?
Men? Why men?
Then where do men come from?
This is a chicken and egg situation, but to know your own rights can be a lot better to the society. There will be less abuse, less rape, less bullying and discrimination.

Which i would like to relate not too long ago when i was out with my two favourite sisters in the world, SueYenn n SueLynn. We were out shopping.
Then there's this middle-eastern family (how would i know? The mother was wearing a burqa) came into the show shop we were in. They had two kids, a young girl about 5 or 6 years old, and a son about 3 yrs.

Somehow, the elder little girl kinda made the younger brother cry. Well, kids ma.. sure got bickering and pushing around, that's why they are KIDS.

Then this is the part where u go WHAT THE FUCK??? The father, a fat, ugly, hairy, towering and obese man who is 300 times the size of the young girl, walked over her, without even finding out why the brother cry....

...he SLAPPED and PULLED the FIVE YEAR OLD girl's HAIR!!!!
With his fat pudgy filthy hands!!!

U might wanna ask wat did the mother do? She shook her head with disapproval AT HER FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD, AND FUCKING WALKED AWAY.

I SWEAR, i saw the poor little girl kinda like flew n got off-balance with that blow of a slap.
Seriously, i wonder did that motherfucking son-of-suicidebombers REALLY gave birth to that poor girl. At that point, i almost went over n scoop her into my arms. FUCKING SHIT.

I was so angry i just burst out in the shop and said "WHY THE FUCK DID U GIVE BIRTH TO HER WHEN ALL U WANNA DO IS TO BEAT HER? IS IT BECAUSE SHE HAS A VAGINA THAT IS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR KID?"

That mother-fucker left by dragging the weeping lil girl off.

Fucking twisted middle-eastern, makes me think thats how they treat their women. If i were that kid, i'd become a twisted suicide-bomber due to all that twisted discrimination. Seriously, what did she do to deserve such treatment at such young age??

I'm so so blessed that my parents loved me unconditionally regardless of gender or any other reasons in the world. They loved me because i'm their daughter. And i'm thankful, if i'm allowed to choose my parents, i'd still choose my mama and pa, WITH NO ABSOLUTE DOUBT AT ALL.

I think if i'm not pursuing performing arts, i'd be a child or women's rights activist. SERIOUSLY.

And in this one post i've used the word SERIOUSLY, like about 4 times already. Seriously. (which further makes it 5)

WHOOT~ imma so heated up by this thing, i can go on n on with this if my sleepy eye permits me too.

To conclude, i'm not the kind of girl who would sit around and wait for men to ask me to dance, or simply just wait around. If i like someone, i'd go ahead and tell them. Life is too short to be waiting around, and i see no point of waiting aimlessly. Simply because i'm responsible for my own happiness. But that also does not mean that i'd go for any type of men laaa.... hahaha What i'm saying is, there's nothing wrong in being able to speak your mind and be bold about it. U are in charge of your life and no one else.

If u'd like a conversation on this, i'm up for an intellectual debate :)

Well, on the other hand, it's holidays now! YAY!!! Anybody wanna go for a hot date?

kthxbye

til then.

twentycents worth

2008-08-16T22:05:00.006+08:00

Not too long ago...

A dance competition organized by Taylor University College. We got to know about it around a week before the event. (Note we: me, CW, yenney, alyna, jun kang n wern sern) So we decided to join just for the heck of it. It's overall a quite cool event cuz they had DJ Patrick oliver from Euphoria spinning really cool beats throughout the nite.

oh well, i know wat u wanna know...

hehehe...

WE GOT 2nd PLACE!!! YAY ness!!!

It was a casual and fun fun thing that we didn't actually expected anything but just have fun. So it was a really good surprise in the end :D

More pictures to come soon. Waiting to get it from yenn n jk.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh well, since this is a really happy post, might as well make it happy all the way.

Was at a conference today, there was a break so i decided to compile a list of things that will make me happy.

sunflowers

warm towels on a rainy day/ night

kittens, puppies n furry animals

hot chocolate

a favourite song on the radio

smiling babies

finding loose coins/notes inside pockets when u least expected

getting a good parking spot

smooth traffic

bear hugs

kiss on the forehead

Yup, these are one of those days. The good days.

And in case u were wondering what's with the title of the post, it's the name of our "dance crew", Dua Coopang (dua kupang). Hahahahahahaah!!!! told u it's a fun fun thing, chill la!

til then.

-

2008-08-05T05:12:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking about u.
And i can't get myself to sleep.
It's 5 am in the morning.
And i'm still blogging.
Class is at 11am tomorrow.
I'm fucked.

Sheesh..

Maxis cuckoofied, egg tarts and whatnot

2008-07-28T04:00:00.002+08:00

ROARRRR!!!

I'm having a mild case of verbal diarrhoea with a tinge of tulan-ness...

My fucking hp broke down, along tgt with my fucking sim card. OH DAMMIT!! First of all, hello Maxis, i pay my bills too ok? Why don't i get my deserved service that i paid for? #@!#$^&*$!!!! My Hp was down with a "weird fever" the other day when i slept over EV's place the other day. Then the whole day my hp had no line, with that god-damned "no access to Network" on the screen.

Well, i tot it was just the connection that went cuckoo for one day, mana tau, it's been 2 days and still no line!! Cheebyeness to the max!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Those hands of yours will touch a million hearts and make them cry, can i hold them for a while?
I miss u, u know? no, u don't.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh well, i shall blog on things that make me happy.

I have a pension for egg tarts, and my all-time favourite is the one's from Tong Kee's.

My amazing discovery for this heavenly-tasting egg tarts was when i went for a sleepover in one of my friends place in Sri Petaling. (oh crap, i'm not always sleeping in other ppl's place ok? I just happen to be there.)

(pictures courtesy of the internet, i didn't manage to take my own purchase in time before they were gobbled up)
The crust is fluffy and crispy, with a slight buttery taste. Not oily and not dry, the texture is just right. The filing is oh-so-uber-orgasmic, it doesn't have the overwhelming "egg smell" but a light caramel-y taste with firm, smooth yet soft texture. Best when eaten slightly longer out-of-the-oven :DD

Well, i can't go to Sri Petaling all the time to get them, plus i don't think they have any branch near my place... so i was delighted when i found that they sell Tong Kee's egg tarts at Mid Valley!! Woots! Just a 5 mins drive away from uni to heaven-sent pastry. hehe

Screw Cupcakes, Egg Tarts are the in-thang now! (just kidding, give me both and i will be a happy woman :D)

til then

Aspiring Mrs.Oguri

2008-07-21T02:09:00.003+08:00

yes. I've officially became a fan of this super-hot japanese heartthrob.
It was just an innocent curious intention of wanting to find out wat's-so-hot about this japanese dude Eevon had been so obsessed about. One episode of Hana Kimi and that's it. I'm hooked.

Shun Oguri* Oh gosh, <3>

I generally are more attracted guys who r a tad bit shy, has a warm smile, not loud yet is intellectual enough to engage in a mind-stimulating conversation (at least have to LOOK the part, yes i'm superficial, watever.), but at the same time is a bit mysterious. Hehehe... this guy has it all.

And hor.. i'm not as superficial as i claim i am ok?
I appreciate talent too, Shun can play any character rather convincingly. All with effortless sex appeal. (He's a natural, sometimes u can only have it if u have it :D)

Oh goodness, i've turned into a silly-idol-worship schoolgirl. Damn it, it's gonna freaking cramp my style... but who cares? hehehe

Perfect schoolboy look :D

Ee Von the Converter-who-converted-me-into-ShunOguriWorship and me were having a random convo not long ago...

Me: Hey, i got something i wanna confess to u...

EV: What?

Me: i'm sorry but i have to say this la, even if u are one of my bestest friends, i will wrestle u till the end...

EV: Huh? *confusion**panic* what are u talking about?

Me: ...if Shun Oguri were to decide who to choose if we were the only woman left in this world. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

EV: -___-" i thought i said something wrong to offend u. WTF SOHAI NYERRRRR!!!!

(FYI, Sohai is an endearment between me n EV.)

Me: ok la, i don't mind sharing him with u if that really happens.

EV: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *ahem* ok la, then fair fair la i don't mind.

Me: sure fair one, me 60, you 40 :D

EV: BABI!!! WTF!!! hahahahahahahahahaah

Ya. i know we are damn sohai. in case u wanna know watever else we did that was so sohai, u can click here.. my threesome buddy EV has post it on her blog.kthxbye.

til then

It feels warm and sunny

2008-07-18T06:31:00.006+08:00

It is there, but it isn't.
It may be, it may not.
I dunno what it is. but i felt it.
Got me smilin' like an elementary schoolgirl the whole day.

I hope it's true, n i'll be glad to go too.

-

2008-07-04T12:12:00.003+08:00

It's funny that i can't actually see u eye to eye, when u used to be half of me, and everything else in between.
Being with u, holding on for 5 long years on an LDR, has never made me felt lonelier than ever.
I've rejected and turned down many that might be my potential second-half, but i guess u were too god-damn narcissistic to think that meant anything to u. (and i didn't bother telling u that when u were bragging about how popular u are with the girls, toying on other ppl's insecurities only reflects on your own, honey)
I've waited for u to bring me flowers, to treat me right... given u countless chances even when u betrayed my trust over n over again.
But now, i'm glad it's over. Sad but relieved. Because i deserve better, and i do not need you to make me feel less than i am. And i do not need any of your self-righteous, hypocrite watever to judge me. Opinion is like a nose, everybody has one. You are subjected to yours and i dun need to know about it.

I know i'm gonna be fine. I have wonderful people around me and a career that i would happily wake up to each morning. You made me realise how much i'm loved by other people around me. I thank you for that.

Goodbye, i hope u have a plan too.

Better in Time

2008-06-30T04:36:00.002+08:00

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it

Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in

And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

-leona lewis-

trapped in your weak mind and indecisiveness only brings me more pain.
I need someone who can defend me for my happiness, truly and only just because that someone loves me.
nothing more, nothing less.
Words don't mean a thing to me anymore, i've had enough from u n all the rest of u who likes shoving crap down my throat n insisting that it is good for me.
I hope i can forgive u one day, but for now, and not in the near future, i can't.

Somewhere there, always

2008-06-28T08:04:00.002+08:00

Today, I've resolved one of my many matters of the heart.
Today, I've finally done something for myself.
Today, I've probably done the best i can for you.
Today, Tomorrow and days to come, i wish u happiness.
Today, I'm gonna start finding mine.
Today, I'm free :)

til then

I'm lovin' Angels instead

2008-06-23T01:29:00.004+08:00

I believe someone out there sent guardian angels to protect me.

I was at Taman Budaya KL today with my tutor Mr.L, and classmates SiewLing, PorPor, MayTzy n Aiwi to watch a comedy play by PingStage. The play is entitled Family- Father And Mother I Love You.

The play explores the different facets of a relationship between parent and child. Some of the dialogues hit close to home, like there was a part where children always complain that their parents never have time for them, and how our parents always tell us the infamous "it's for your own good". It made me laugh and cry at the same time. This play is light with good humour and the intent is fairly easy to understand. However, audience who are unfamiliar with Malaysian culture might take a little time to grasp the jokes. Nevertheless, there were only 7 actors playing many roles for 8 different scenes. I appreciate the actors for convincingly delivering the characters and emotions through their face. It touched me deeply because the play has successfully delivered what is intended, family. :)

The short review above is just something i felt i should justify about how good the play is. Anyway, u all must've thought this is about my parents are the said guardian angels.... Okay, not entirely wrong but something else happened.

I parked my car opposite Taman Budaya, which is also opposite the police station. It was fairly easy to get a parking spot that day so we were delighted with our luck. And somemore its opposite the police station, what could go wrong?

Well, i was wrong. A BIG FAT WRONG!

When I came out with everybody after the play we decided to go for supper. Then MayTzy n PorPor hopped on to Mr.L's car while SiewLing and Aiwi followed my ride.(thank goodness, keep on reading n u will know why) As we all hopped onto the car getting ready to leave, i had difficulty reversing the car. It felt like the car had stuck into mud. Then Siewling said:" ei, here a bit scary la at nite, so many wrecked cars." We all agreed cuz the parking space is meant for cars involved in accidents to park so the police can take pictures for case file.It was dark and dodgy, and i was so damn stupid to be parking my car there. What were u thinking, cheng choo? Have u lost your brains?

So i immediately left. Then i realized the car was sinking on the right. We knew something had happened to the left side of the tires but we didn't dare get off the car. So siewling n aiwi immediately called Mr.L for help. (they were already almost reaching the said supper destination)We made sure the doors were locked and waited inside the car.

About 5 minutes or so, Mr.L and the rest arrived. Then only we dare come off the car n checked the wheels. And indeed, both tires on the left front and back are flat. Someone (which i like to think it is a someone) let off the air in the tires. We shuddered a bit but then we decide to just stay calm and make the most out of the situation.

Everybody helped me change tires or at least keeping a lookout when some are changing tires. Mr.L and my classmates are really awesome, and everybody kept the situation light. *oh my goodness, I love u all, SERIOUSLY* Then Mr.L escort me to the nearest petrol station to check the tires n fill up the other wheel. (cuz i only have ONE SPARE TIRE maaa) After that, we went for supper, Mr.L suggested that we wait a while to see if the tires leak, to check if it's puntured or only flat.

To cut the story short, my tires were only flat. It appears that the air has been let out. Everybody made sure me n my car was ok before we all parted home. They also called me twice just to check if i've reached home. OH MY GOODNESS, i'm so thankful that i have people like this in my life.

I felt so loved, someone loved me enough to send guardian angels to protect me. Guardian Angels in the form of Mr.L, SiewLing, MayTzy, Aiwi and PorPor. Love them loads n loads. And blessed me with common sense not to get off the car to check. If i were alone just now, i might not be able to be sitting here telling this incident. I'm stil shuddering but I'm thankful :)

Ok, i PROMISE PROMISE to blog about japan very soon. now am busy. And tmr i have exams. So toodles for now!

til then

i'm here til the stars come out

2008-06-15T04:37:00.003+08:00

I'm in a dark place.

I'm in there because many things have happened, some were there, some weren't.Some u can see, some u can't.
Sometimes it's not fair to put the blame on anybody. Bad things can happen anytime, without warning. Shit happens.

It's not about what happened or how it happened. It is about being able to recover and stand back up again after all that has happened.
I'm in there cause i can't tell u how i feel. I'm in there because it's eating me up slowly inside.
I can't accurately describe how i feel inside, but all i can do now is to ignore and try to focus what is at hand.

I'd like to believe i would have a happy ending of my own, i grew up listening to shitass fairy tales. The one about the shitass Prince Charming riding off with the stupid Princess living happily ever after. But as we grow bigger, we also grow wiser at the times we fell, the times we got hurt, and the times we didn't make it. We learn that there are two sides to a situation, and from experience we learn that we can see the good side from every shortcomings.

We all know that there is no pastel colours and land full of talking furry animals. We all know that we cannot just kill the evil stepmother and all will be good(that would be murder n get u into more trouble). And i certainly know that happily ever after doesn't come after riding off to the sunset/sunrise. There will be more responsibilities after that. And it scares me.

And i know the consequences of revealing some things that are better left unsaid. So that's why, i'm in a dark place.

How i long to open up to u, n how i long to see what is beyond that i can see. And until that day comes, i'm in the dark place. I'll be there until i find what i'm looking for. I'll be there until the stars come out.

And maybe, maybe if u can come n pull me out of it.

til then

hey now, i'm an all-star~

2008-06-13T21:07:00.005+08:00

so damn fucking happy =T___T=

Whee~

til then

Food for thought, literally

2008-06-12T15:05:00.003+08:00

Remember the five-second rule?
The one where if u drop food on the floor, and u quickly pick it up within 5 seconds, you can still eat it?

For many hygiene freaks (i'm one!!), the thought of putting food dropped on the floor into your mouth is disgusting. But however, it is proven that it takes longer time for the bacteria to taint WET foods, and an EVEN longer time to taint DRY food. Many studies have been made about it Go check this out. -click-

But since the bacteria takes longer time to taint the food. Here's a food for thought... about food:
WOULD U PICK UP AND EAT FOOD THAT HAS DROPPED ON A PILE OF SHIT?

ewww...
til then

imma gonna blog japan soon, patience, my young padawan...

-

2008-06-05T04:25:00.004+08:00

**Update 090608
Hmm... it seemed like u have a lot of free time to check out ppl's blog huh? I wonder what were u doing when we were all fighting hard in a foreign land?
U have so much time to snoop around other people's business and trying oh-so-hard to gather forces instead of working eh? I guess that's why u never contributed to help by giving some fuckfaced excuse.. just perfect for your fuckfaced attitude, and your ur fuckface.

Oh well, i might just be paranoid, cuz if u aint reading this, u might be busy looking for innocent doe-eyed preschooler that u can stick your dirty watever into... Anything is fine for you, as long as it has body cavity(s) and no brains :)

so there, fucker.

I can't believe how idiotic u are by CONSTANTLY trying to prove yourself a big fat idiot each and everytime. In fact, calling u mentally disabled is a total and utter insult to the mentally disabled. I really don't know what else to label u. Your actions justifiies what kind of person u are, selfish, stupid, cheapskate, and most of all, BRAINLESS.

So i can't actually call u mentally disabled, because u don't have one. The only thing u ever think about is YOU, YOU and only YOU. Hello, Wannabe-Paris-Hilton, the world does NOT revolve around you! And it never will be! And whatever u have will eventually go away one day. You are a tragic accident u know? Talking to u... oops sorry... just listening to u talk can damage brain cells for your unintellectual bullshitting conversation.

I pity the poor souls who bring u to this world. If i were your mom, i would have smothered u if i knew u turned out this way in life. You are a disgrace from top to toe, and u think u r oh-so-popular? You are a waste of space in this overcrowded universe. Seriously, and u really think u are all that? hahahaha.. u've been a severe joke among all of us, and we laugh at your stupidity constantly cause u never listened and u think u are all that.

U were given many many chance but u threw it away by abusing n wasting it. I guess u never thought it through deep and long enough for your UNFORGIVABLE actions, time n time again u were forgiven but u took for granted because u never think u were wrong. I guess u won't be reading this, because i doubt u'd understand due to limited capacity in the head.

But remember this, Karma is a very powerful thing, whatever u do unto others will come back and bite u hard in the ass, TRIPLE FOLD. SO watch out my dear friend. I hope u can sleep at night knowing the things u've done to other ppl's children. And don't forget, one day, u will have kids too.

Have a good life.

-

2008-05-28T01:19:00.003+08:00

Japan Cup is in another 39 hours...

And i still miss u so.
I want to look into those eyes again...

No-life is a damn good life

2008-05-13T17:27:00.004+08:00

I BROKE MY VIRGINITY

...in playing virtual games in the cybercafe.

hahaha.. wat were u thinking for a moment, u lil pervs?

Anyway, it all happened right after practice yesterday. I was "casually invited" to join in one of my "heng dai"s (brotherhood in cantonese) gaming sessions. Being the only girl, they decided if i wasn't interested i could go home. But i'm determined to find out what is so fun about these "stupid" online games that makes ppl go no life...(ya, that preception was before i tried it) so i went...

At first, i was a bit terrified as there were so many buttons and icon to click on. FYI, it's only WarCraft Tower Defence. (i know it's simple that's why i like it, shut up) It is very simple actually, it's a game that they made simpler out of its more complicated cousin, WarCraft DoTA. Basically, u have to build defence fortress around your territory to prevent these irritating little critters called Spawns from intruding. It's like a mass massacre carnival when the Spawns parade into your fortress.

Damn fun watching the bloodshed... hahaha *ahem* forgive my sadistic tendencies.

Anyway, the longer i play, the more i get the hang of it. And in the end, ALMOST without me knowing, i began to feel the addiction creeping into my veins. I ended up playing for more than 3 hours instead of the initial promised 1hour.

Before
Me: Ei, we play one hour only k? I very tired ar... *gives lame excuse*
Para HengDai: oklah oklah... -___-"
After
Para HengDai: Can we leave now?
Me: one more game la... pleeeeaaaaaseee~

SO yeah, u've successfully converted me into a no-life gaming addict. When's our next session? *wink*

Speaking about no-life... there are a few activities in my own opinion that i considered as NO-LIFE. Here goes...
1. Playing cyber-games- only people who have no-life would date their own computer/ XBOX/ PS/ PS2 and feeling high about it.
2. Watching drama series- be it english/ malay/ chinese/ korean/ japanese/ nigerian/ hungarian/ bulgarian etc and imagine they were the hero/ heroine in the story.
3. Watch reality TV shows and RELIGIOUSLY FOLLOW it.

oh well, i'm guilty of the three as charged. And it has never felt so good :D Seriously, life has been so damn hectic for me the past few months that i barely have enough time to sleep. Not that i'm complaining, I most definitely loved what i'm doing to death, but no-life is actually quite a charmed n relaxing life once in a while.
So well, who cares if it's no-life, it sure as hell feels like a damn good life to me :DD

Was gonna talk about something pissyfying, but i shall not ruined this feel-good, happy happy post.
so til then.

just for fun

2008-05-09T03:25:00.000+08:00

Find Out Which Disney Girl You Are!
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Belle

Dancing furniture, singing spoons, and a man who needs a serious haircut - sound familiar? Well it should! Belle was a very independent spirit with alot on her mind, much like you are! But in life, there is a needed balance - learn when to speak your mind, and when to hold it back. Sometimes offending someone isn't the best way to go!

Belle

83%

Cinderella

71%

Tinkerbell

71%

Jane

67%

Snow White

67%

Alice

63%

Violet

63%

Pocahontas

63%

Megara

58%

Ariel

58%

Esmerelda

50%

Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)

46%

Mulan

38%

Jasmine

33%

no title, just angry

2008-05-08T15:53:00.002+08:00

blogspot has just decided to fuck me up again.... damnit!
grrrr!!

sorry, it's been too long

2008-05-07T00:37:00.008+08:00

YAYYAYYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

hurrah to the last day of exam! That explains the long absence of updates....

so i'm gonna do the oh-so-delayed tag by Ms.Choi and Kimmy

And because both tags are almost similar, i did it together with a lil twist :)

(i'm not lazy ok? i really gave it a lot of thought wan... :D)

here you go...

The instructions:

1. Compose a list of YOUR top 10 sexiest famous men (if youre a girl)

and women (if youre a guy).

2. Collect one picture of each person on your list.

3. Post them in your journal.

4. Tag five people to do the same.

TOP TEN SEXIEST MEN

#10 Christian Bale

Hello! This is the reason that makes Batman look less ridiculous in that pointy ears latex suit... in fact, the dark knight is a whole lot yummier in the form of Christian Bale :D

#9 Milo Ventimiglia

Those dreamy puppy eyes can make u just wanna melt in them. How could u not love this hero?

Milo milo, i'll gladly be your cheerleader~

#8 Shayne Ward

He has the Bad Boy sex appeal, with the voice that melts ANY, i tell u, ANY girl's heart. Sweet guilty pleasure for a lazy sunday afternoon :)

#7 Patrick Dempsey

McDreamy! Laidback, piercing eyes, sexy 5o'clock shadow with very muscular arms. I'll go to the hospital EVERYday if doctors look like him...

#6 Wade Robson

This sexy Dance Prodigy is a true genius, his works were thought-provoking and critically-acclaimed. Wade Robson has been choreographing for celebrities at the age when i only cared about playing tag after school. I've always had a thing for guys who can dance, especially when u look like this... Talent and looks, he's got it all...

#5 Heath Ledger *R.I.P* @>--$---

Why WHY oh WHY?? Beautiful, sexy and immensely talented people have to go so soon? Heath, u will be lovingly remembered... rest in peace. :(

#4 Daniel Wu

WOOOOOooooHHHOooooooo! Daniel Wu, he is able to pull off any character convincingly, with that certain amount of sex appeal. He is oh-so-freakingsexyuwannarippedthatshirtoffhim. SERIOUSLY.

#3 Wang Lee Hom

I've always had a weakness for guys who plays musical instrument. This talented ABC writes and composes very beautiful love songs. Plus, he plays the piano, guitar and drums. ANnnnnnnnd, brownie points for resembling a little bit like daniel wu :D

#2 Johnny Depp

HOw could we not have Johnny in this list? Although the character he choses are unconventional and quirky, he plays it with absolute style and downright convincing. I personally think that the demon barber has a whole lot of hidden sex appeal in the form of Johnny Depp. Come capture me, pirate!

#1 Jensen Ackles

In case u don't know who is he, Jensen is one half of the ghostbusting brother duo in thriller series Supernatural. Bad boy with a heart. He is so so damn yeng whenever he tries to save the day (which he does most of the time), and especially when it comes to protect his family. The gentle yet piercing green eyes has the capability to melt me if i stared too long.

Just to prove a point on how oh-so-fucking-sexy he is, i will put more pictures of this visually delicious being...

So handsome can die... <3>

OMG... i have one question.. Can i lie beside u? *hearts*

And here's the list for...

TOP TEN SEXIEST WOMEN
#10 Maggie Q

ALways the Femme Fatale in action movies. This scorching hot babe is the perfect balance of beauty with brains.

#9 Kate Walsh

Dr. Addison is the reason women will forbade their husbands to go to the hospitals. And that's if all female doctors look like her... :D

#8 Corrine Bailey Rae

This talented singer-songwriter belts out songs that most people can relate to. Sexy in a way she carries herself. And carriage is something not many people have. Simply lovely.

#7 Vanessa Mae

Yes, i also have a high level of appreciation for women who plays the musical instrument. Music Prodigy Vanessa plays the violin so passionately like she is seducing it. Watch one of her live performance and u will understand what i'm saying.

#6 Natalie Portman

One who can look smoking hot even when she's bald should be given credit.

#5 Alyssa Millano

One third of the Charmed Sisters, she kicks the @$$ of the baddies who tries to mess around with her. I often anticipate her appearance just to see what she will be wearing for that episode. All hail the sexiest witch in the world of TV drama series!! woots!

#4 Sarah Shahi

She plays the DJ girlfriend of a playgirl in lesbian drama series, The L Word. I do not have to describe how sensual she is, her picture is enough to justify how gorgeous she is. (hey boy, keep your hands out of your pants please... )

#3 Jessica Alba

FHM sexiest women list frequent. That bronzed skin and gorgeous smile. Men wanna be with her, women wanna be her. And she broke millions of male fans' heart when she got pregnant and engaged to long time beau.Aww...

#2 Kylie Minogue

This women have it all and been through it all: diva-esque status, multi-platinum albums, awards, failed relationships, breast cancer survivor. She's the embodiment of substance, strength and megawatt sex appeal.

#1 Michelle Yeoh

Malaysian? Checked. Chinese? Checked. Only Malaysian Chinese to make it through to the western-oriented Hollywood? Checked. Made it big, n i mean really really big in Hollywood? Checked. Critically-acclaimed movies under her belt (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Memoirs of a Geisha)? Checked. The only Bond girl that 007 has FAILED to bed? checked.

WHY SHOULDN'T SHE BE THE SEXIEST WOMAN ON MY LIST? HAR?? WHY?

Michelle Yeoh, u rock!

And for this i tag: Joyce, Schan, Adelle, Rachel, Sue Yenn & Sue Lynn

til then.

it won't stop, and it's coming again

2008-04-25T06:28:00.005+08:00

i miss u like cheer practices without water...
i miss u like tired bodies need sleep...
i miss u like hungry tummies need yummies...

I miss u so much til i can hear my heart breaking.

u have no idea...u never will

-------------

I'm sorry for being helpless to relief your pain...

I'm sorry for being powerless to turn back time...

I'm sorry i can't do magic and create things out of nothing...

I'm sorry that i didn't fulfill my duty...

I'm sorry i somehow took u for granted over the years....

I'm sorry i'm somewhat skeptic...

I'm sorry because i'm awfully sorry...

I pray only just because i couldn't do anything anymore...

but i love you, that's for sure.

Please be okay.

Sad but true

2008-04-10T02:28:00.003+08:00

A woman upon hearing another woman's warning about a man being the way he is, would attempt to change the man thinking she might just be "the one".

The truth is, they never succeed. One will never change his ways until he finds what he really wants. And most of time, he doesn't.

" A man married a woman hoping she stays the way she was but she eventually WILL change. While a woman marries a man HOPING it will change him, but it doesn't"

something to ponder.
til then.

"The person who deserved your tears, will never ever make u cry.

Love yourself, and love will find a way to u"

saving grace

2008-04-09T00:08:00.003+08:00

Universal rules in teamwork:

NOBODY is INDISPENSABLE. If u can't put effort to contribute, YOU WILL BE DROPPED.
The level of the team quality is measured by the WEAKEST member in the team, like it or not, no matter how good u are, if somebody in the team isn't on par, u WILL BE JUDGED the same. AS A TEAM.
The audience/ judge will notice the one who MAKES MISTAKES more than the one who can perform well. Believe me, it's a proven fact.
Your actions WILL REFLECT ON THE TEAM. So please think before u act.
Just when u think u are good, think again. HUMILITY IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS SKILL.

phew.. i should go to bed now.

"the look in your eyes sent my heart six feet under..."

til then.

Meet Cotton Candy

2008-03-28T00:57:00.002+08:00

I've commited a crime...

a very very serious one....

I'm confessing now....

that i've officially commited a horrible one........

I don't care what u all say, but i'm standing firm with what i've done... And i'm sticking to this crime until i'm done with it. And i will commit it again when i'm over with this one.

I've commited a fashion crime. Meet "Cotton Candy".

jibbitz: Mushroom on the left and shamrock on the right

Shamrock for luck n mushroom just because they-are-oh-so-cute

hehe... they are so comfy that my feet are not bailing on me after each n every dance classes. It feels like i'm walking on clouds everytime i wear these honeys. Yes, i know many have commented it's fugly n all. But hey, it's not about the shoes, it's about who's wearing it :D

choieevon, join the club.. come to the bright side... (inside joke)

on a more bimbotic note, this is what me n kimmy discussed when i met her at cineleisure on the day i picked up these babies...

Kimmy: What are u doing here?

Me: I'm getting my new crocs today! *excited*

Kimmy: Huh? But they are so ugly... :(

Me: I already paid ma...

Kimmy: Why don't u get birkenstocks? They look better

Me: It's baby pink! :D *still very giddily excited*

Kimmy: In that case, u r forgiven... :DD

hahaha... yes, i have blonde moments too

til then

tag and updates

2008-03-27T01:36:00.006+08:00

I got tagged by Ms.Choi

Instructions: Remove one question from those below, add in one of your own (personal), to make a total of 20. Tag 10 people in your list at the end of this post. Notify them.
1. At what age do you wish to be married?
How bout u ask me if i wanna get married.

2. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you'd take and why?
hmm... I'd ask if they were willing to be stranded in that island with me :P

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
anywhere without assignments and deadlines for now, maybe a deserted island.

4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
that i can have whatever i want come true, haha, i'm greedy :D

5. Do you believe you can survive without money?
u must be kidding me.

6. What are you afraid to lose the most?
my family and friends

7. If u had a superpower, what would your ability be?

the ability to adapt, physically and mentally

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
>.<>Tactful, understanding, beautiful

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
patience, understanding, love, great sense of humour and good chemistry

11. Which type of person do you hate the most?
homophobes (total turnoff), boyfriend stealers, backstabbers, hypocrites. ok la, i musn't hate too many things, cuz i'm not a hater..haha wtf

12. If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, will you?
Yes, i would. i'd give my baby Sayuri away to a good family as soon as possible :(

13. What is your most embarassing moment in your entire life?
I was in Primary 5 that time, i was out shopping with my mom. Then i excused myself to go to the toilet. When i came out of the toilet, i decided to stroll around before meeting up again with my mom. Then i noticed a lot of ppl were staring at me, at that moment i felt quite proud cuz they probably thought i was pretty or something. (ya i know, perasan has to start young :P) Then an elderly man came up to me and told me :"Miss, i think u forgot to pull up your zip." I swear i wished the ground open up n swallow me whole at that time!!

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
compassion, passion and ambition

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?
I guess it's equivalent to a social smoker in my case.

16. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
My bloody fiery temper. I'm afraid of myself sometimes.

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
I don't share ALL my secrets with ONE single person. And i'm thankful i have many friends to share many different things with.

18. What's your weakest point?
Overly-brutal-no-holds-barred self critical.

19. What's the thing that you're most proud of?
of whatever i've achieved and able to stand my own ground so far :)

20.What is the one thing you regret most?
so far none yet, everything in life is an experience.

I tag: Kimberly mehta, sue lynn, sue yenn, rachel, joyce, pei kee, shana T,KeetZ, Schan, CharmMan.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- C3 is over.

Finally.

It was a much happening event as compared with last year. This year there were more teams participated. Plus, we had an amazing display performance by an All-boys All Star team from Thailand- The Rainbows. They were the crowd pullers, no doubt. There was so much that we've learnt from them. I shall update further when i have pictures.

I was one of the liaison officer for these boys from Thailand. They were absolutely cute and high spirited. When i picked them up for dinner on the first day they arrived Malaysia, our conversation goes like this...

Me: Hi, how are u all? Had a good rest?
Thai boys (in unison): We are good *shows thumbs up**grins widely*
Me: My name is cheng choo n i'm your liaison officer for today.
Thai boys: Huh? (something in thai) don't understand... don't know...
Ma(one of the boys): u r cindy, now we call u cindy ok?
Me: oh? me? i'm cheng choo...
Ma: erm... dunno how to call... cindy good for u, cuz u sweet :D
Thai boys: Hi CINDY!!!
Me: Oh... hi.... *o.O*

-_____-"

sigh.. now the new name is cindy...

til then.

Pervy peanuts

2008-03-21T14:21:00.002+08:00

omgwtfbbqshabushabu!!
I met with a perv.

shaking his u know wat...

on a motorcycle.

This middle-aged, dishevelled looking mutha-fucker whom i can't really identify his ethnicity (a bit chinese, a bit malay n a bit vietnamese features so i can't tell) was tailing behind me when i was on my way home. Thank goodness i was driving, so i got to observe that he was acting a bit weird by tailing so close behind me.

Then i saw he was doing "something" with his other hand while trying to balance on his bike and at the same time tail me closely. Which is kinda funny and pathetic at the same time...haha

My first instinct was to NOT drive home cuz it's pretty stupid to invite a perv to ur home. So i decided to speed up n take that idiot for a ride. At the same time i wanna see how long more he can balance with one hand on a bike while satisfying himself. Then he eventually caught up n tried to show me his peanuts by driving beside my car. I immediately turned a sharp corner into the nearest petrol station. He had no choice but left.

Sigh.. drama betul...

Kinda wished he fell off the bike n break his kukuciao. Cheebye =____="

k la.. time to sleep away the disturbing thoughts.
til then.

Gravity

2008-03-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

- Sara Bareilles -

the triangle has three sharp angles and a pain in the butt

2008-03-19T13:13:00.003+08:00

What do u do when ur close friend is in love with ur close friend who happens to be in love with u?

friends

2008-03-16T22:19:00.005+08:00

Friends.
They may not be the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world, they may be less important to some people as compared to family, education, and to some extent, romantic relationships, but in the midst of pursuing these other "more important" things, the little things like support and encouragement from friends matters a lot. And most of the time, it's the littlest things that matter.

Ever since i was younger, i was never the most popular girl in school, i'm neither a social butterfly. But i can bravely tell u, that even though i only have a small circle of friends, they are one of the truest, lovable-est(if there's such a word), understanding, honest, most supportive kind of friends that anyone can ever have. *u know who u all are*

My social style stays the same even when i'm in university now. I don't have too many friends, but the people that i'm close with are the ones i can trust with my innermost secrets, that which i kept fiercely of theirs. I'm actually a pretty private person when it comes to personal stuff. (Hello, having a widely public blog doesn't mean everything u see here is what i really am.) And i'm very protective towards my friends.

Because...
I know they will do the same for me, ALL OF THEM.

Some idiot once commented that i was being bitchy and unfriendly, cause i chose my friends carefully. Like hello? where's the brain?? Of course i have to be careful with who i'm mingling with! I won't let anybody step all over me, and i will DEFINITELY cut u off if u try to be funny with my life. Siao turtle!! YOu say la... WHERE GOT PEOPLE SIMPLY MAKE FRIENDS WITH EVERY TOM DICK N HARRY ONE?? I AM NOT MOTHER THERESA AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDLY WITH PEOPLE I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH!!

Phew...~

And now, i'm pretty much living a happy life, because i have good friends that are good people around me. I'm just so lucky that i'm blessed with such wonderful friends around me. It's very comforting to know when other things is life gets too shitty to handle.

In the end, it doesn't really matter how much friends u have, it is how much they meant to u.
And most importantly, if they do catch u when u fall, will u do the same for them?

til then.

2008-03-16T03:40:00.002+08:00

Someone once told me this...

" Try to mend the fracture as much as u can, but if it's too broken beyond repait that it cuts u more n more everytime u try.... Maybe it's best if it is left broken. "

It's true. And sometimes leaving it alone may just turn the situation around.

Don't go looking for love, cause it might just be right in front of you when u were busy looking elsewhere.

Today, i'm aunt agony.

what's with the burgers?

2008-03-14T10:40:00.002+08:00

Ok i realised my post have been quite depressed and snappy...
so this shall be a light one..

1. What is the happiest burger?
Berge-mbira!

2. What is the burger that moves on it's own?
Berger-ak

then the final one...

What is the smellliest burger?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Berkentut lah!

(don't tell me your fart is sweet-smelling)
kthxbai

Sugar-coated-chocolate-frosted shit for breakfast, anyone?

2008-03-08T13:02:00.007+08:00

Frustration comes in many forms.

Frustration is when there are tonnes of homework piling that is quite neverending...

Frustration is when u know u will never be able to complete them due to the shitload of other responsibilities...

Frustration is when these responsibilities is to put other people as priority before yours...

Frustration is when at the midst of doing that, some mutha-fuckers would complain about their petty little brought-upon problems n how painfully dreadful their lives are...

Frustration is when your authority is challenged by idiots... Hey fuckers, i don't get paid to see u show me your cibai face ok? There's a reason why i'm chosen instead of u, it's cuz i'm more capable than u. So shut up and listen when u r told.

Frustration is when these mutha-fucking idiots have permanent existence in this not-so-ideal world.. there will always ALWAYS be idiots.

Frustration is when stupid idiots put the impossible with another impossible, then expects a result that is beyond rationally impossible. Your judgements are fucking stupid, go buy some brains pls..

Frustration is when you have to sacrifice ambitions, dreams, time n effort for the sake of some mutha-fuckers, and these mutha-fuckers will never hesitate to sacrifice YOUR BLOODY TIME for their oh-so-important everything else to gain benefit for themselves n only themselves.

Frustration is also when these same bunch of clowns thinks that they can push people around just because they are slightly a bit more genetically accidental. (i opposed to using the word gifted, cuz i'd throw u away if u were a gift) Hello fuckers, the rule of thumb in teamplay is- NOBODY IS INDISPENSABLE. You are not better than anybody if your attitude is like crap. And if u try to fuck around, i WILL KICK YOUR ASS.

Frustration is when some can be so blind and dense n not to see what's really going on...

Frustration is when u have to put up a brave front, so everybody else will be happy thinking that everything's ok...

Frustration is when u only have 4-5 hours of sleep and physical activity going on for many many weeks, then u get people telling u that they are tired cuz they sit in the classroom the whole day...

Frustration is when finding out about things that u shudn't have known, and then pretend it all didn't happen cuz there's NOTHING u can do about it...

Frustration is when the things u find out can intefere with your mental state n offset your previous perception of what is right, n feel helpless...

Frustration is also when u suddenly realise there's no one u can actually trust. AT ALL...

Frustration is when somethings will never change...

Frustration is when looking in your eyes and know that u will never know how i feel inside...

Frustration is when everything is hanging in between, neither here nor there...

Frustration is when being the best at EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING you do is not an option anymore, it's a NECCESSITY.

Frustration is no matter how hard u try, there will ALWAYS be unreachable expectations, either yourself or from other people...

Frustration is when u try so hard to improve but the other people is merely less-than-expectation...

Frustration is when u have 2 long blog post in one night...

Frustration is when u feel like Britney...

fuck man, i'm gonna go do donkey work now...
God bless the General Elections

til then.

asswipes and self-worth do not tally

2008-03-07T18:47:00.004+08:00

This is gonna touch some nerves here, if people really bothered to read what i have to say.

I learnt something that is so very meaningful the other day in one of my lecture classes. This class subject is called Performance Theory, which the main topic of study is behaviour, be it human, animal or non-living objects.

Ok..u guys must be thinking wtf am i talking about... ("perempuan ni gila,tiba-tiba cakap yg tak mengena, benda tak hidup pun ada behaviour..")

Wait...

This subject is mainly studying the reaction and how everything in everyday life concerns with a performance. In lay man's term, everything u do IS a performance. Like how u are staring at the screen trying to get what i'm yakking about... hehe

Anyways, our topic of discussion that day was the MALE GAZE.
Seeing something through the eyes of a male's perspective.

Have u all ever wondered why some female celebrities are deemed beautiful, some labelled sexy and some not-so-physically-attractive?

What is "perfect woman" to u? hmm.. let's see...
long silky hair... check
voluptuously firm, round breasts... check
perky bottom... check
soft lips... check
fair skinned... check
smooth legs... check
doe-like innocent eyes with long eyelashes... check
Soft, manja voice... check

the lists goes on. And usually these criterias are the ones notioned by men. Why?
Because men studies women more than women study themselves. And when one is engaged in learning about the something, one gains the knowledge and understand that particular subject matter.

If u're gonna argue that this is a sexist topic, i'm actually discussing the human behaviour on a discourse level. Many research and publications has been made on this matter. Let me ask u something.. Why are the most beautiful looking woman not a natural born woman? Note: the transvestites in Thailand.

And do u know, women (real women) in Japan, pay lots of money to watch and learn from the Onnagata, a female impersonator in the japanese avant-garde theatre, as they epitomised the grace n beauty of a true woman.

These men who have observed and studied women all their lives have collectively gathered traits and preferences, thus shaping the preception of the perfect woman.

In other words, sexism is notioned by men. Men in other words dictates how a woman should look and behave. The film, media and ad industry isn't making things any easier either.

picture a scenario like this...
woman: Wah.. the bikini look so pretty... *points at a swimwear ad*
Man: ya lor, if only u look like her, i'd buy the bikini for u *points at model WEARING the bikini IN the ad*

wtf...

But hey, when a woman has to learn from a man, on HOW TO BEHAVE LIKE A WOMAN (in the eyes of a man), isn't it about time we do something?
Some girls or woman would go for crash diet, plastic surgery, desperate measures to change the way they look in order to secure a relationship with a man. I'm not condemning diets n plastic surgery, do it if it makes u feel good about yourself, but not because u want to please someone else.

I think taking this subject has help me better in understanding people and the way they act sometimes. I shall not go into details n be all theoretical in explaining what i've learnt. But by understanding the theory, i learn a few facts about men and women.

1. Men are born hunters, they like "the chase".
2. They also like what they can't get.
3. Men reacts to no reaction. So instead of going berserk n screaming when he didn't do the laundry/forgetting your birthday etc, just say:" it's ok." With a blank expression. Ladies, i can gurrantee he'd be panicking under your feet in no time.
4. Men will NOT say NO to sex.
5. respects women who puts them into place when they go overboard, but step all over those who let him have his way.
6. Nothing can get in the way of him pleasing the women he likes/wants/wants to fornicate with. 7. If he is unwilling cuz he finds it difficult, means he's not that into u.
8. You can never be too trusting. Save some for yourself.

Here's a familiar scenario where either u've been through before/ heard of/ seen live example:

A mutha-fucker disguised as a boy, meets girl who is gullible, innocent and softhearted (sucks cuz girls are usually like that), not to mention pretty, (which is the case most of the time due to the oh-so-powerful male gaze).
He wooed, he flirted, he pursued,he promised her the sun,the moon n the stars..plus the world beneath her feet... He claims he fell "deeply in love" with girl when he saw her.
She doubted, she obliged,she thought:"what harm could there be?" then she let her guard down, finally she's ready to accept.
He got too involved in her life, then all of a sudden, he backed out, claiming that he has fell out of love for her/hasn't gotten over his ex/is gay/his goldfish died..bla bla
Which left her humilliated n heartbroken...which she is damaged physically n mentally...
Not long after, he'd be dating another new girl. N it will be faster than the speed of Malaysians grabbing free food samples.
The plot continues to which it follows the same storyline again...

Somethings are never gonna change no matter how hard u try. Love rats will always be love rats. And ass wipes will always be full of shit.

So have some self-worth n don't blame yourself over something that will not work out. It takes two to tango, and it cuts both ways. People tend to use that word lightly now, so it's better to save it for yourself. Only u know that u truly love yourself.

til then.

not quite there yet

2008-03-07T01:33:00.004+08:00

Do u know what it meant to me when u said u'd wait, even when i didn't promise to come?
Do u know why i held my breath, just at the sight of u around the corner?
Do u know how i felt when people tell me we looked good together?

moreover...

Do u know how much it hurt when all i can tell them is "We're just friends, we're not together."?

u know there are those days...

2008-02-22T17:00:00.002+08:00

U know there are those days when u feel like not getting out of bed because it's gonna be a bad day?
U know there are those days when u feel like the ugliest being in the world?
U know there are those days u feel that whatever u do is NEVER on par with everybody else?
U know there are those days where everybody is improving but u?
U know there are those days where u try hard to give all of u got but nobody notices it?
U know there are those days where your efforts don't seem to mean a thing?
U know there are those days where everything that u don't want happen, happens?
U know there are those days u feel like yelling at everybody because of your petty lil problems which makes u a sore loser?
U know there are those days where the only words that seem to come out of your mouth is wtf?
U know there are those days when u really really feel like a loser?

Yes, this is one of those days.
I think tomorrow will be a better one. I hope.

Drink drank drunk...

2008-02-16T11:06:00.004+08:00

10 Things NOT To Do When You Are Pissed Drunk

Drive - Get a cab, only idiots drive themselves home

Pluck your eyebrows - u don't wanna have a unibrow, as in only one eyebrow.

Cut your own hair - nuff 'said

Call your ex and cry about how life sucks - Put that lil black book away, if u dun want that jerk to laugh about how pathetic that u can't get over him. Yes, trust me.

Cook on an open stove

Switch on your webcam - U don't want people to see your dirty lil acts, especially your boss.

Mass email your naked/naughty/ suggestively positioned/ artistic pictures to ALL your contacts on MSN, YM, IM... - Back off the keyboard

Meddle with the microwave oven.

Prune your mom's favourite bonsai plant.

Trim your dog/cat/hamster/grizzly bear's fur or nails. - you might find a bloody pulp the next morning instead of your dear pet.

Things You CAN Do When You Are Pissed Drunk

Sleep

Sleep

Sleep

Wash your face with water

then u sleep

take of your clothes UNDER YOUR COVERS

then sleep

Hug your pet, and leave the bonsai plant, your hair and your eyebrows alone.

and sleep

Just sleep

Just don't drink and drive this festive season k? Think about the people u love and those who loved u.

til then.

Realize

2008-02-11T04:28:00.000+08:00

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by..
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
No its never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just
we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just
never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find
realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
Just realized what I just realized

Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now

Realize
Realize
Realize

"Realize" -Colbie Cailat-

This one's for u, love...
til then

farewell rachiebaby

2008-02-10T13:17:00.000+08:00

To one of my closest buddies throughout high school, this is a post dedicated to u, Rachiebaby dear.

I know i'm gonna get murdered when she can get her hands on me. But oh well, i'm gonna let the pictures do the talking...

To the girl who likes to take pictures of herself with OTHER people's camera, claiming to "leave a personal souvenir"...

at BBgym

while the hairdresser *ahem*me* does her hair,she sabo the camphone

during breaks in practice

And also the one whom i take embarassing candid photos of... (i swear she will kill me this time..)

while eating

While shitting... no..noobing..

and while sleeping...

and the girl who is my camslut partner-in-crime, the one who would strike a pose anytime, anywhere if i asked her to... (which i prefer to take candid shots, more fun, more risks :D)

...who went and win cheerleading competitions together with me, TWICE...

..who was my naughty roommate/ housemate during a guest performance trip to singapore...

with the Sue sisters :)

...who stayed around to wait for Stephy's passport and got lost together-gether in a mall in Johore...

outside immigration gate right before Singapore with Marc n Steph

...who invited me to volunteer to clean up animal poop during a public holiday at a National Zoo (mosquitoes the size of a butterfly chases u around in a swarm included)...

at Zoo Negara

...who backed me up during the stress while organizing C3 2007...

stress of the highest order

..also, not forgetting the stayovers, the DVD session, the shopping spree and the occasional bitch'n'gossip sessions.... (hey, we're girls.. so deal with it)

Thanks for being the for me, as a friend, a sister, someone i could confide in anytime without being judged. Thanx for sharing the dirtiest little secrets that we both would take to the grave. *ngek ngek, we know it and u people don't!* Thanx for letting me being able to be myself around u. You are one of the bestest buddies any girl can have. And thank you for confiding in me, thank you for trusting me and standing up for me. I'd marry you if i were a boy..hahaha

Damn, we looked so good together we should've been modelling!

You'll be leaving in a few hours, so last but not least...i wish u well and everything good to come when u are away. Hope your journey to Perth would be a safe one. Do call us when u come back, i will have baskins waiting for u :D

Take care girl! Sayang u!

Please come back soon :~(

Til then.

Chinese New Year with a conscience

2008-02-10T02:36:00.001+08:00

Ok this is a bit late...

And everybody is also doing this in their own blogs...

So shall I...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, PEOPLE!! May the YEAR OF THE RAT bring everyone of you WEALTH, HEALTH, JOY & HAPPINESS IN ABUNDANCE!!

Ok, this post is about self-conscience. And no, i'm not gonna do any fucked-up good behaviour counseling, and it is not going to be like those stupid SPM pendidikan moral crash course seminar.

Here's the question: What would you do if u find a pile of MONEY on the floor?
Yes, a pile of money. PLUS, u are alone and nobody is there. Just u and dough.

(a) You pick it up and keep it, and walk away ASAP.
(b) You stare at the money for awhile and see if anybody claims it, if not, u put them in your pocket.
(c) You hand it back to the rightful owner/ police station.

What would u do? Most of us would have answered (a) without conscience or doubt if were being asked this common question. I mean, who wouldn't want some extra pocket money? it is exactly like the chinese proverb, " money dropped from the heavens." Literally.
And usually when someone who picks answer (c) would definitely get 2 similar reaction:

Got or not? You don't keh si keh si(Keh si= fake it in hokkien) laa...
Wah, why u so stupid? keep the money la!

But it's altogether a different thing when u add conscience into the equation.

Last Hari Raya, my brother followed my mom to the business centre to run some errands. While waiting for my mom to finish her errands, he absent-mindedly loitered around the area. Due to the festive season, many people were bustling about the business centre either to do last minute shopping or to close a last minute deal.

Then there were many cars parked along the area. and my brother saw a stack (yes, ONE FAT STACK) of fifty ringgit CASH lying innocently on the road beside the door of a car. He picked it up, looked at it for awhile and absent-mindedly knock on the car and asked if the money belonged to them.

.... -_____-"""......

Which idiot won't say yes when u thrust a fat wad of fifty ringgit cash in their face asking if it's theirs?

so yeah.. The rest of the day was spent with my silly brother not-so-absent-mindedly ranting about not keeping the money. My mom consoled him by keep telling him that he did a good thing and she was proud of him.

I laughed at him. And there's a thing called karma.

It was 2nd day of Chinese New Year, I was hanging out with my bro and a group of friends. Then they decided to bring me and my bro about town to check out the popular hangout spots. We were hitting the clubs and having a good time. Well, good times are always interrupted by the need to pee.

Initially i was reluctant to use the public toilet as it was really dirty but i had no choice because my bladder was threatening to giveway there and then. So yeah, i surrendered and braved the ohmygoodnesssofreakingdisgusting toilet.

In the midst of juggling to avoid getting my shoes dirty and make sure i don't drop anything into the bowl, i saw a crumpled wad of pink paper with red writting on it. Hey... wait.. That's not paper, that's cash! COLD HARD CASH! So my immediate respond is to pick the money up and examine it first. For all you know, it might be fake.

And then i put the money into my pocket. Hey no one is in the toilet cubicle with me, so finders keepers :)

the end

Actually that's not the end, i came out of the toilet and 'innocently' went to the sink to wash my hands. A lady with a very worried face came rushing into the toilet and appeared to be looking for something. She looked left, right, high and low. Then she came walking towards me.

Many thoughts rushed through my head.
Should i act dumb and just keep it?
Or Shouldn't i?
Should i keep saying no til she gives up?
Aiya, just a bit of money only, give me as ang pow money laa...
But what if i make her angry then she got bunch of Tai Kors outside waiting to punch my lie-spinning face?
What if, she cat-fight with me here?
Never mind.. i got cheerleading muscles (quote kimmy :D)
But i'll dirty my shoes..eww....

But too late to assemble all my thoughts, she was already standing right in-front of me. She asked, worried but politely,"I lost my money, did u happened to see them?"

"Is it this? Here you go." was my answer as i took the money out of my pocket and handed it back to her. With a smile.

dang...Conscience took over my motor respond. It wasn't my fault, i meant to keep the money. I'm a money-minded, greedy and selfish bitch. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ok enough with the drama, so the night ended with my brother laughing back at me, telling me it's ok to give in to conscience. sigh. Karma's a bitch, too.

I hope this year would be a better than the year before, and i would again, chance upon a stack of cash lying around somewhere WITHOUT anybody around, waiting for me to pick it up without conscience kicking in.
Well at least i can live to tell everybody that i picked up a wad of cash and returned it to the rightful owner, just like the ones we read about in our Pendidikan Moral Textbook.

til then.

Chill-LAH

2008-01-30T13:21:00.000+08:00

Have u ever felt that sometimes no matter how hard u tried, it will NEVER be enough?
Have u ever woke up and look in the mirror and ask the reflection looking back at u, "Who's that ugly thing?"?
Have u ever left unsatisfied even though u've done the most of ur your efforts?

I can bet my every dollar that everybody has felt that way in their lives, at least ONCE. There are times you could be so critical with the outcome of your own efforts u beat urself up even without giving credit for the heart and time spent on it.

Life has a cheeky way of delivering itself. Challenges can come in any form, and anytime (especially times when u didn't need, damn it Murphy, damn it.) In this contemporary era of the society, too much is never enough. Everyday there are different kinds of stress, some are routine, some just plain unexpected. There's always a moment of self-blame n over-criticism once a day in our lives.

Acknowledgement by other people is very important, but not as important as knowing and ACCEPTING yourself that u've done your best. Sometimes, we gotta just take a chill pill and relax. Yes, there's still room for improvement (room which we always will have), but the process of getting there is what REALLY made us who we are.

If u don't know what i mean by too much self-critical, here's something to ponder:
Would u ever tell your friends/ family/ colluegues or even a random stranger that he/she looks like a fat cow? but somehow it's easier to tell it to yourself (sometimes, everytime..) right? How could other people's feelings be more important than your own? They should be EQUALLY important. What i'm saying is, be kind to others, be kind to yourself too. Your own mental well-being deserves some TLC.

Quote: Life's a journey, not a destination. When u get there, you'll be six feet under.

Think about it :)
til then

Medical practice has never been so sexy

2008-01-28T17:37:00.000+08:00

Yes yes.. life can be a bitch. But what the hell... there's gotta be something that u look forward to do sometime in a month, a week or even a day. That something is stress-free, fun and keeps u mentally n physically aroused, something happy to get by the day.

Yep, i've found that something at this period of my life n it's keeping me so very happy :)

Grey's Anatomy :)

Hehe.. i wished i could play the blame game n get away with things. (It's all my darling brother's fault who dl-ed season 1 til season 4, and left me desperate for more drama every nite! I sayang u la!hehe)

It's so addictive i think i'm beyond rehab wanting to get home n watch those tempting episodes.

The plots are so mentally arousing...

And Dr.Mcdreamy...

... is so taking my breath away :D *oh..those eyes..those messy hair**melts*

(yes yes, the picture has a wedding ring on his fourth finger, but so what? It's not like i'm ever able to get close enough.. hehe)

Seattle Grace Hospital has the most amazing team of beautiful doctors with beautiful heart. My total sexy medical fantasy :D

Dear stupid.

2008-01-18T03:06:00.000+08:00

I'd like to thank you for being so negative all the time.
I'd like to thank you for behaving like a total idiot.

Thank you for making everybody u've tried to put down looked good.
Thank you for being such a jealous bitch, the littlest sign of you utterly repulse me to the highest of trash order.
I bet u don't even know the word repulse.

You have no idea how much u made my day for asking stupid questions n making insulting comments. I think u look like a total clown. Maybe u should try out for the circus, i think they would gladly need someone like for comic relief.

The world DOES NOT revolve around you, my dear.
And it's a sad fact u don't seem to realise how pathetic u look when u try to be cool.
It's stupid, really, and it's insulting the intelligence of an amoeba.
I could go straight to your face n tell u this, "Hey look here, u're arrogant, shallow, idiotic, insulting and partially deaf, so u either change for the better or just fuck off, you worthless piece of shit."
But no, i think i shall let u continue to dwell in your own self-pride and overly suffocating ego that is bigger than your ass. So drown baby, drown.

I think i'm a natural cheerleader, it's the in-born spirit that i can't be around negative people all the time. Or people who likes to say negative things TO PUT OTHER PEOPLE DOWN. Too much of it makes me feel nauseous. One more word from you, idiot, i swear i will PUKE on you.

Fuggit. I'm out. gonna sleep the blues away til the sun shines through.
nite
til then

ARGHH

2008-01-13T12:43:00.000+08:00

HELP!! I'M LOSING MY SOCIAL LIFE!

FROM,
LIL MISS BORING-ALL-WORK-NO-PLAY

til then

Inhumane schedule of the week

2008-01-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

I was sick (VERY sick, in fact) from the sudden breakdown cause my body decides to go on strike few days ago. Just barely recovering, i went for class and had an almost humanly impossible class schedule on tuesday.

Let me give u an outline of the day's schedule...

7.30 - 8.30 Conditioning Class

9.30 - 11.00 Classical Indian

11.00 - 1.00 Modern Technique 3

1.00 - 2.00 lunch break

2.00 - 3.30 Modern Technique 4

3.30 - 5.00 Dance Composition n Improvisation

5.30 - 7.00 Jazz 1

7.00 - 10.30 Training with KT

Yeah man, u read that right. It's 7.30 AM not PM, the day starts THAT early. Started off running 6 laps around football field goal posts. 13 and a half hours of practical classes continuously (not including 1 and half hour lunch break in between) I was constantly moving and on the go, nonstop.

By the time even before half the class ended at KT, i felt i was gonna just drop dead there n fall into deep slumber.

Reached home at about 11.30pm, and it was immediately bedtime.

Because guess what?

The next day starts at 7.30AM too...

Yeah man, I'm gonna be super fit and super thin by the end of this semester. If and only if i can AFFORD time to eat. (i'm not bulimic or wahatsoever, by really, time is just hell)

that's why i totally DESPISE and DISLIKE WITH MUCH DISTASTE when some people who can go bersuka-ria and lepak but when asked to do simple things can complain that they are tired. Try being me on tuesdays :) (No offence, but there ARE people like that.)

I'm not complaining about my life now, in fact i'm totally loving it. I'm only stating the fact that being a dance student/anything related to art is all hard work. And the fact that people work so hard isn't because of the money as performing artists could not survive only on stage performance in Malaysia. It's the passion that drives us to break, crush, push, and reinvent ourselves over n over again.

So dearies, support the local art scene! :)

Thought of the day:
Today i heard something at the radio. It was Rudy from Hitz.fm, he said
" Support the local entertainment scene, if not, there won't be one" I think it also applies to the art industry :)

K la, sleepy adi... need to go catch some shut eye..zzz

til then.

great way to start 2008...

2008-01-02T20:58:00.000+08:00

yes.. i woke up with a high fever on my FIRST day of class this morning. Can't do anything but feel every single muscle of my body ache.
Went to the doc, he told me i had throat infections n the left side of my throat had blisters n practically red and swollen. Besides that, i had cough, flu and headache...

i hate eating medicine... Bluek~

:(

til then.