That's why it's called a crush

To me, crushes are the most irritating thing to a person's mind.

It's the feeling u can't get enough of that certain someone, yet u will never want that person to know about how u feel. It gives u the rush of euphoria WHENEVER and WHEREVER u see or even just hear about that person. And everytime that person does something nice for u, that feeling just gives u a one-way-ticket to heaven. (don't deny, i'm sure u have been there at least once in your lifetime)

But it makes your world crumble (sometimes feel like disappearing) the moment when....

• he is in love with someone else
• he TELLS u he's in love with someone else
• he is taken
• he doesn't know how u feel (probably never will)
• he fell for your best friend/sibling/mother etc.. (don't laugh at the last option, it could happen)
• he KNOWS how u feel for him and avoids u, and falls for ur best friend/sibling/mother etc.
• he didn't turn out to be what u think he is

yeah.. it's shitty.. welcome to life.

I once had a crush on this guy way back when i was in secondary school. He was a senior whom i met during a stage performance for an annual school activity.

It wasn't exactly love at first sight as i hadn't had feelings for him when i first met him the previous year. He was more of an annoyance to me. He didn't talk much and always come late n leave early during the first few practices so i thought he was a bit cocky. Benci cocky people!!

Spending alot of time in weekly practices made me see him in a different light. We found out we had many things in common like interests, hobby, outlook in life and much more. Oh well, my feelings for him developed throughout the practices because of all the good qualities i see in him. He was smart, mature, charismatic, funny, athletic, caring and hardworking. I found out the reason that he was always late n left early cause he works part-time as he didn't want to burden his family. (omg,how not to like, u say leh?)

Well, almost perfect eh? But despite being such a perfect gentleman, i'm sure he KNOWS he is very much sought after. (all guys very perasan wan, they sure know..even if they r not they will think they r, trust me.) He was LOYAL. Yes, he is already taken. He never flirts with anybody in the group, and he doesn't simply say sohai things like "u got bf o not?" or "i will miss u one oh, u don't miss me meh?" to any girl. He is respectful with his words which made me fell for him even more. And no, as much as a stereotype to all guys like him, he is perfectly straight.

I didn't found out about his gf through him, as he never told me about his private life (SEE! somemore don't kiss n tell!), but eventually by word of mouth n the almighty WorldWideWeb aka friendster, myspace bla bla bla... (yes, i stalked him onlilne, ahahaha...)

So yeah, the moment i found out, i've decided i will keep my feelings a secret n take it to the grave with me. I will NEVER bring myself to steal other people's bf. And besides, relationships might not work out sometimes, and it's because u find something about the other person which is bad/annoying/irritating/hurtful. Which means, that person whom u deem to be so beautifully perfect isn't what he seemed to be. I secretly vowed i will make him my eternal PERFECT CRUSH. (ya la yalah, fucking childish i know... i'm only form 2 ok?)

Practices prior to the event was getting more n more tough but somehow it became an escape from classes and homework. Everybody was looking forward to practices every end of the week. Same for me, but i was hoping to see him instead. Good time passes fast and finally it was all over, and during the final day of the performance, he confessed that he admired my maturity and passion, and that he was comfortable working with me.

Can u imagine? I can bet u i flew to the moon and back a dozen times just hearing that. But i still didn't tell him how i feel. (i know, i'm a big fat loser.) i just let it pass by responding with a smile, more of a silly grin.wtf. -___-"

Many many years passed, i decided to surf on friendster on one particular day. I stumbled upon his profile page. I tell u ah, i can blush the first time when i see his page, like his pictures r looking back at me. wtfknnkkn. My heart still skips a beat when i see it now. Damn stupid i know... Then i saw it.. his status...CURRENT STATUS...

Male *age censored* single... SINGLE

He is single... He broke up with his long time sweetheart.

Suddenly those old feelings started burning like a flame, and my head was temporarily messed up for awhile with many silly thoughts of there's a chance we might be together, holding hands bla bla crap...

My heart flutters awhile. And finally, i still stood my ground. He will always be my perfect crush, cuz he will be an example of hope that there are good guys out there. Yes, my perfect crush, i wish u well and happiness, and thank you for being who u are.

Thought of the day: If u like to simply pass judgements just by reading some things people write, or before u knew what actually happened, i would advice u to click the red, small, X button on the upper right corner of the page and never come back again. and if u wanna be rude to leave rude comments, i will delete them :)

til then

p.s/ i will blog about the trip soon, cuz no pics yet... very boring wan...