Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Love rats, scum bags

Dear hopeful ladies,

Heads up on a few KNOWN facts about cheating men.

1) You are not the first. Even if you are...

2) You won't be the last.

3) Men like this NEVER change.

4) Even if they do, it's because they lost something (face, health, money, YOU, whatever.) that is important to them (or so they think lah..)

5) The change is temporary.

6) The change cease to exist, right at the moment you decide to give him a SECOND chance.

7) *cue music* "..Oops i did it again..I played with your heart..lalala"

8) Maybe part 4) and 5) will repeat again. It's a vicious cycle.

9) By now, you should know better. Please walk away.

"Nobody would love you, if you don't love yourself enough. If it hurts too much, sometimes it's okay to just say: I'm not a toilet bowl and i'm not taking your shit. Please Fuck Off. "

Disclaimer: It's not about me or my personal life. It's just what i think.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

i'm not short. i'm fun-sized.

My friend (shall remain anonymous because she's a private person) and i were talking about body images and looking back i think we had quite a funny conversation.

Friend: I've always wanted to wear a cheongsam, they are so pretty...

Me: Then buy one la. :)

Friend: Aiyo, i scared i look hideous in it la...

Me: My friend, u are a dumb dumb, u are tall and gorgeous, i wanna whack you for saying that. -_-

Friend: but..but.. i'm scared i cannot fit in it...bla bla.. arms look big... bla bla... not nice...

Me: Babe, let me tell u a story... Once upon a 2010, i went to Genting and i always wanted to ride the Go-Kart. I wasn't allowed to ride it back then when i was 10years old because i was still too short. Then when i went back again this year, feeling much confident about myself cuz obviously i've grown taller. I stepped on the bloody measuring thingy and it says "153.5cm" and the minimum height is 155cm.
So yeah, i was ONE POINT FIVE CEE EMM too short to qualify riding the Go-Kart!!! and do i look like i can grow any taller?!!??
The moral of my story thankful for your long legs, u can still tailor made your dress to fit u perfectly. As for me, i will never be able to ride the Go-Kart in my entire life, EVER!! *teary eyed*

Friend: Oh yah, that case you are sadder... Laa.. jangan nangis, u are my cute short friend... *sayang and pat on head*

Me: Thanks ah.

So yeah, that's my funny story about body issues.
P.S/ tease me somemore and i will sucker punch your groin cuz i can't reach your face. Then u will bend over in pain and i will sucker punch your face -_-

k thx bai

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Age difference?

Not too long ago...

Me and K just finished grabbing a bite at a nearby mamak. As we were walking back towards the car, there was a car full of young dudes who passed us by. My car keys were playing hide n seek inside my sling bag so i didn't really pay attention.

K: Hey, i think that car just checked us out...

Me: Wha-? Where the fuck is my keys? *mumble* U were saying?

K: That car just now? Those dudes inside the car just checked us out la.

Me: How u know?

K: The driver was pointing towards us, then telling his friends to see somemore. *Looks around*
And there's no one here oso...besides us.

Me: Deii.. i take it as a compliment! :D *bangga*

K: But i think they are all younger guys lah.. possibly students.

Me: Deii... *not so bangga anymore*

K: I think we are only destined to attract younger guys.. :(

Me: But then again.. we can be MILFs when we grow older, and we won't even look old at all. Hah!! *Bangga kembali* *peace sign*

K: WTF.... Thanks ar, but i don't wanna be a MI-

Me: *interrupts* Or better yet, a GILF!!!

K: What is that?

Me: Granny I Love to--

K: NOOOOOOO!!!! WTF!! EW.....TIDAK!!!!

K proceeds to hit me..
ow, humour is painful with BFFs.
I have interesting friends :)

Personally, i think age is not at all a factor, the real deal breaker is intellectual wavelength. :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

We are not responsible for any bodily harm caused by your stupidity.

Disclaimer: This is gonna be a ranting post with lots of profanities so if u can't stand this, kindly click the small red X on the right corner of the screen n bugger off.
All spelling and grammatical errors are not spelling errors, try to imagine a cina-pek speaking english. Bad english.

Okay, a quick update, i've moved out and renting a place with a couple of friends.
So one day, one of our housemate decides to move out, so we had to look for another person to take the empty room.

So we posted an ad.

Someone answered the ad. His name is Kevin. This Kevin guy seemed soft-spoken and a little nerdy looking. He is a bit cina-pek, can't speak good english AND stutters a little when he talks so me n K, my hommie, found it quite endearing. He told us he was working with a vietnamese friend who set up a stall in an eatery in a nearby business centre and he was looking for a nearby place to stay.

Now tell me, what does this imply to you? That Kevin wants the room for himself right? He, Kevin himself, plans to occupy the room right?

Then he also say, "I might be sharing room with my friend,From Vietnam, is a foreign-Ger (Yes, he pronounced it as foh-ren-GER) ."
We then ask him," Is it your girlfriend?"
"No, he's guy", he replied.
So me n K thought that it might be his BF. Not that we are homophobic okay? We are assuming, in fact, we are quite glad that we are sharing the house with a gay couple cause we are all for integration!!

okay, digress i shall not.
So what does this imply to you? Kevin wants the room and might be staying with his vietnamese friend right?

Then he asked the room rent and payment and all, so we told him the amount he needs to pay and then utilities will be shared among the amount of people staying in the house. Then he says that he needs to talk to his friend 1st.
We did also mentioned to him that there is a small room at the back which is already taken.

Then at this point, he keep saying that he needs to talk to his friend 1st.
Well, me and K assumed that maybe he needs to discuss the room rent with his vietnamese friend who MIGHT be staying with him.
Then he also proceed to tell us a bunch of confusing stories about his friend getting a place already, but Kevin still wanna tell him about this new place, and he is gonna talk to him and blablabla...

So then, after that, he left. Then he came back, cause he left his backpack at our place.
We (me n K) were thinking," Aw, forgetful boy, how endearing... "
We decided then that we liked that boy and hoped that he takes the room with his BF... sorry vietnamese friend.

fast forward....

I went to work that day. K had night shift so she was at home when Kevin came back again and brought his vietnamese friend(Let's call him VF1, as in, vietnamese friend #1). He said that he wants the room but it is for 3 people. Then Kevin say he is bringing another vietnamese friend(VF2). Sounds a bit weird but they also agreed to share out the utilities.
So does this imply to you that Kevin, VF1 and VF2 wants the room and will be staying together?

Then VF1 paid the room deposit and rental to K.
Then K asked:" When will YOU (meaning Kevin, VF1 and VF2) move in the room?"
And VF1 and Kevin say THEY will move in the place either the night itself or the day after.
Does that imply to you that Kevin and VF1 understood that the room is rented to them and that they will move in with their VF2?
Which part of "WHEN WILL YOU MOVE IN THE ROOM?" is confusing?

I came back from work and relaxing at home around 9pm. By then K went to work already. Then i heard the door open and some foreign voices talking to each other. I open my room door and saw Kevin and one vietnamese friend moving some mattresses and luggage to the room.
Naturally, i thought: Hmm, this must be VF1.
Then Kevin left, he said he is going to pick up another friend. Which i assume is VF2.

K also told me that VF1 can speak english, so i decided to be a nice housemate and say hi to whom i thought is VF1.
I knocked on the door and said: "Hi, I'm cheng. What's your name?"
Assumed VF1: *confused look* *shrugs shoulders* i...i... dunno...
Me: okay,never mind.. bye *close door*

Then at this point i felt something very fishy, and thank God my another hommie, P was back from work.
P: "Who is that?"
Me: *explains about Kevin, VF1 and VF2*
P: "This is a bit weird. He don't seem to know what u r talking about. Maybe u should call Kevin."

At this point, i was afraid but still have a tiny gleam of hope in the goodness of mankind that maybe Kevin was telling the truth. And that the weird vietnamese that is living beside my room is VF2 who doesn't speak english.
I called Kevin.

Me:" Hey, I talked to your vietnamese friend and he doesn't speak english. I thought K said he spoke english?"

Kevin:"Oh, he not know english wan... speak simple simple can d, no need talk to him wan. Anything i help you?"

Me:" Where are you now?"

Kevin:" I going to fesh two more fehn to come n stay."

Me:" What? What do u mean two more friends? Are there gonna be four of you sharing the room?"

Kevin:" Oh..Oh no, is just THREE of my vietnam fehn and i won stay."

Me: .... *wtf is going on now???* " What time are u coming over?"

Kevin:" A wow more, we tok when i kamb over k? *cheerful tone*"

In my heart, i was panicking with fear. There's a strange, unkempt, slightly untidy looking vietnamese who doesn't speak a word of english sleeping next door. And i have another stranger bringing more of these vietnamese to my house, which he ALSO has keys to the house. Oh FML!!!!

I called K and told her the situation and she said it wasn't supposed to be other people cause she told him that she would be renting the room for Kevin and VF1 only. P immediately decided that they cannot stay in our house and it's a dangerous situation.
Me and P locked up our room and all, then went downstairs to wait for Kevin.

Kevin brought another VF that also don't seem to be able to speak english. Then we told him that we needed to talk.

Me:" Kevin, we have a situation. When we first agreed to rent the room to you, we agreed to rent to you and your english speaking vietnamese friend only. Why is it that we have three people whom we have never met come to stay? And why are u not staying?"

Kevin:" Oh..*fidgets* If the small room downstairs away-lable, i will take it now!! So i can look at them!! *saying with fake sincerity* But dun have, so i let them stay here 1st, i will go find another room. *faking heroism*"

Me:" No. When we first agreed to give you the room, we thought YOU and YOUR ENGLISH SPEAKING VIETNAMESE friend is staying. We agreed to the both of you staying, not any other people. Why are there a sudden change of deal and you never told us? And we told you from the start, the last room is occupied!!"

Kevin:" Dats y lor, dat's why i cannot stay, have to give them room mah... My fehn cannot to find them pwoper room so i decide to GIF them my room. If not i also plan to stay wan... "

Me:" No, you do not change plans without telling us first. We are not comfortable having to stay with people we have not met before. And it's your friend who failed to find a place for them, it's his problem, not yours. And now, you are giving us the problem."

Kevin:" For now let them stay, maybe later i will stay, see how."

Me:" What do you mean see how? If anything happen how?"

Kevin:" I will responsible anything. I will ."

Me:" The thing is, we don't even WANT ANYTHING to happen at all, so before anything happen, i don't think we can give you the room."

Kevin:" Wait, i tok my fehn 1st."

fast forward...

Kevin went out to wait for his fehn, he was obviously angry and upset, waiting and wondering how to explain the bad news that he has just lost the room.
But hey, he was the one who broke our deal without telling us and tried to weasel his way to staying in our house.

L, our African housemate, a very tall (about six foot four okay!) and intimidating looking, (but actually he is nice) guy, who occupies the small room downstairs, heard all the noise and came out to check.

L:" What is going on? Is he giving you problems?"
P & Me: *explains*
L:" Oh, he broke your deal, took advantage of your kindness and give u shit. You need me to talk to him?"
Me: " No, it's okay, he agreed to go."

So, P, me and a very intimidating L went out and wait for VF to arrive. He came by foot.
VF:" What happen to the room? I thought i paid for the room??"
Kevin:" You all promees to give room then now no more."
L:" *interrupt* NO, we didn't, you lied."
Kevin:" You Shaadap! "
L:" No, you shut up."
Kevin:" You all no responsible, #%^&**, *curse in mandarin*!!!
L:" Imma teach you a lesson."

At this point, it was kinda funny to see a skinny, cina-pek fighting with a six foot four african man with palms the size of a basketball. I would've LOL-ed if not for the fact that there are 2 strange vietnamese outside my house, one cina-pek fighting with my housemate at 2am, which they still have the keys to our house and a two more strangers sleeping inside my house. Plus, i was on the phone clarifying the payment details with K, who is at work, stressed out and can't do a thing.

fast forward...

No fight broke out, just some bitchin' was exchange. Then VF1 said, CALMLY:" If this is causing you too much trouble, we will leave. good night."
So we paid them back their money. Me and P even offered to fetch their belongings and mattresses in a car and send them to a hotel.

Oklah, the reason we were nice enough to do that because they wanted to leave their things behind n come collect them the next morning. We were horrified enough with all the drama, so we just wanna get over n done with n never ever see them again.

But i insist i'm nice if not i would've just thrown ALL their belongings outside the house n lock the gate, then threaten to call the police. :)

fast forward...

The next afternoon.
K: Babe, Kevin sent me a message.
Me: What does it say?
K: He wrote, ' Tell your fren b careful dun let me see her again.'
Me: Wow, his grammar improved out of anger.

Here's for you Kevin, FUCK OFF.

We were glad that we didn't let any of them stay. If someone is not trustworthy from the start, they will never be.
tyvm for tolerating my ranting. goodnai, my good fehns.

"sometimes, u gotta look fear in the eye, and say, fuck you."-L

Friday, December 3, 2010

I'm okay if you are okay

I think i have a fairy tale complex.
Life has shown me disappointments and heartbreaks before but nevertheless, istill believe that good things will come to people who wait and happy endings are possible.

Oh well, his name is not Prince Charming
And he does not ride a white horse (has never ridden one before).In fact, he prefers to walk and take public transport.
He does not live in a castle or throw lavish ball or present me with glass slippers.

But he tucks me in every night before bedtime and takes care of me when i'm sick.
He kisses my forehead and tells me i'm beautiful on days i feel like shit.
He puts down his computer games just to layan my questions like which dress is prettier or .

He is patient, kind and loving.
He understands that I need time alone when i'm angry;
and offers his shoulders when i'm sad;
yet laughs at all my stupid jokes even when they don't make sense.

He is not Prince Charming, but better than that,
he's my best friend.
And we love each other. Just like that.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010


You had the nerve to tell me the same shit that u tell the other girls. The problem is, the other girls believed you, i didn't. And i was right about my gut instincts.
Oh come on, who told me? A little fucking bird told me. You SERIOUSLY expect to do something so sneaky ALL THE TIME and not get caught?
Your girlfriend/fiancee/wife/whatever, is IMHO a nice girl, and does not deserve to be left hanging in the dark. If things aren't working out, tell her. Don't use it as a weak, ball-less excuse to cheat. But anyway, i don't think things aren't working out, u just want your share of cake and eat them.
Go scratch your balls if it's itchy, if you keep letting other ppl do it for u, u might risk getting it ripped out one day.

And FYI, i never wanted to be with you, and never will.
I'm allergic to stupid pigs.

A love letter

Dear you,

When i first met you, i knew it's love at first sight. No... i won't say it's "sight", but rather, love at first experience. It's the way u make me move, make me smile and make me work harder for what i want. You can say it's tough love, it's not easy to get, but it's a rewarding love.

You made me fall head over heels, twisting around in doubles just for u, i know the only way to get back up is to catch myself. And for this, my confidence grew in you and my whole life is shaped and revolved around you.

Thank you for giving me confidence, make me believe the impossible and make me who i am today.

You are my first love and the only love that i will never get over, or ever WANT to get over.

I love you, cheerleading.

Little Black Book of Drama

i don't seek them, they find me.