the triangle has three sharp angles and a pain in the butt

What do u do when ur close friend is in love with ur close friend who happens to be in love with u?

friends

Friends.
They may not be the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world, they may be less important to some people as compared to family, education, and to some extent, romantic relationships, but in the midst of pursuing these other "more important" things, the little things like support and encouragement from friends matters a lot. And most of the time, it's the littlest things that matter.

Ever since i was younger, i was never the most popular girl in school, i'm neither a social butterfly. But i can bravely tell u, that even though i only have a small circle of friends, they are one of the truest, lovable-est(if there's such a word), understanding, honest, most supportive kind of friends that anyone can ever have. *u know who u all are*

My social style stays the same even when i'm in university now. I don't have too many friends, but the people that i'm close with are the ones i can trust with my innermost secrets, that which i kept fiercely of theirs. I'm actually a pretty private person when it comes to personal stuff. (Hello, having a widely public blog doesn't mean everything u see here is what i really am.) And i'm very protective towards my friends.

Because...
I know they will do the same for me, ALL OF THEM.

Some idiot once commented that i was being bitchy and unfriendly, cause i chose my friends carefully. Like hello? where's the brain?? Of course i have to be careful with who i'm mingling with! I won't let anybody step all over me, and i will DEFINITELY cut u off if u try to be funny with my life. Siao turtle!! YOu say la... WHERE GOT PEOPLE SIMPLY MAKE FRIENDS WITH EVERY TOM DICK N HARRY ONE?? I AM NOT MOTHER THERESA AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDLY WITH PEOPLE I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH!!

Phew...~

And now, i'm pretty much living a happy life, because i have good friends that are good people around me. I'm just so lucky that i'm blessed with such wonderful friends around me. It's very comforting to know when other things is life gets too shitty to handle.

In the end, it doesn't really matter how much friends u have, it is how much they meant to u.
And most importantly, if they do catch u when u fall, will u do the same for them?

til then.

Someone once told me this...

" Try to mend the fracture as much as u can, but if it's too broken beyond repait that it cuts u more n more everytime u try.... Maybe it's best if it is left broken. "

It's true. And sometimes leaving it alone may just turn the situation around.

Don't go looking for love, cause it might just be right in front of you when u were busy looking elsewhere.

Today, i'm aunt agony.

what's with the burgers?

Ok i realised my post have been quite depressed and snappy...
so this shall be a light one..

1. What is the happiest burger?
Berge-mbira!

2. What is the burger that moves on it's own?
Berger-ak

then the final one...

What is the smellliest burger?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Berkentut lah!

(don't tell me your fart is sweet-smelling)
kthxbai

Sugar-coated-chocolate-frosted shit for breakfast, anyone?

Frustration comes in many forms.

Frustration is when there are tonnes of homework piling that is quite neverending...

Frustration is when u know u will never be able to complete them due to the shitload of other responsibilities...

Frustration is when these responsibilities is to put other people as priority before yours...

Frustration is when at the midst of doing that, some mutha-fuckers would complain about their petty little brought-upon problems n how painfully dreadful their lives are...

Frustration is when your authority is challenged by idiots... Hey fuckers, i don't get paid to see u show me your cibai face ok? There's a reason why i'm chosen instead of u, it's cuz i'm more capable than u. So shut up and listen when u r told.

Frustration is when these mutha-fucking idiots have permanent existence in this not-so-ideal world.. there will always ALWAYS be idiots.

Frustration is when stupid idiots put the impossible with another impossible, then expects a result that is beyond rationally impossible. Your judgements are fucking stupid, go buy some brains pls..

Frustration is when you have to sacrifice ambitions, dreams, time n effort for the sake of some mutha-fuckers, and these mutha-fuckers will never hesitate to sacrifice YOUR BLOODY TIME for their oh-so-important everything else to gain benefit for themselves n only themselves.

Frustration is also when these same bunch of clowns thinks that they can push people around just because they are slightly a bit more genetically accidental. (i opposed to using the word gifted, cuz i'd throw u away if u were a gift) Hello fuckers, the rule of thumb in teamplay is- NOBODY IS INDISPENSABLE. You are not better than anybody if your attitude is like crap. And if u try to fuck around, i WILL KICK YOUR ASS.

Frustration is when some can be so blind and dense n not to see what's really going on...

Frustration is when u have to put up a brave front, so everybody else will be happy thinking that everything's ok...

Frustration is when u only have 4-5 hours of sleep and physical activity going on for many many weeks, then u get people telling u that they are tired cuz they sit in the classroom the whole day...

Frustration is when finding out about things that u shudn't have known, and then pretend it all didn't happen cuz there's NOTHING u can do about it...

Frustration is when the things u find out can intefere with your mental state n offset your previous perception of what is right, n feel helpless...

Frustration is also when u suddenly realise there's no one u can actually trust. AT ALL...

Frustration is when somethings will never change...

Frustration is when looking in your eyes and know that u will never know how i feel inside...

Frustration is when everything is hanging in between, neither here nor there...

Frustration is when being the best at EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING you do is not an option anymore, it's a NECCESSITY.

Frustration is no matter how hard u try, there will ALWAYS be unreachable expectations, either yourself or from other people...

Frustration is when u try so hard to improve but the other people is merely less-than-expectation...

Frustration is when u have 2 long blog post in one night...

Frustration is when u feel like Britney...

fuck man, i'm gonna go do donkey work now...
God bless the General Elections

til then.

asswipes and self-worth do not tally

This is gonna touch some nerves here, if people really bothered to read what i have to say.

I learnt something that is so very meaningful the other day in one of my lecture classes. This class subject is called Performance Theory, which the main topic of study is behaviour, be it human, animal or non-living objects.

Ok..u guys must be thinking wtf am i talking about... ("perempuan ni gila,tiba-tiba cakap yg tak mengena, benda tak hidup pun ada behaviour..")

Wait...

This subject is mainly studying the reaction and how everything in everyday life concerns with a performance. In lay man's term, everything u do IS a performance. Like how u are staring at the screen trying to get what i'm yakking about... hehe

Anyways, our topic of discussion that day was the MALE GAZE.
Seeing something through the eyes of a male's perspective.

Have u all ever wondered why some female celebrities are deemed beautiful, some labelled sexy and some not-so-physically-attractive?

What is "perfect woman" to u? hmm.. let's see...
long silky hair... check
voluptuously firm, round breasts... check
perky bottom... check
soft lips... check
fair skinned... check
smooth legs... check
doe-like innocent eyes with long eyelashes... check
Soft, manja voice... check

the lists goes on. And usually these criterias are the ones notioned by men. Why?
Because men studies women more than women study themselves. And when one is engaged in learning about the something, one gains the knowledge and understand that particular subject matter.

If u're gonna argue that this is a sexist topic, i'm actually discussing the human behaviour on a discourse level. Many research and publications has been made on this matter. Let me ask u something.. Why are the most beautiful looking woman not a natural born woman? Note: the transvestites in Thailand.

And do u know, women (real women) in Japan, pay lots of money to watch and learn from the Onnagata, a female impersonator in the japanese avant-garde theatre, as they epitomised the grace n beauty of a true woman.

These men who have observed and studied women all their lives have collectively gathered traits and preferences, thus shaping the preception of the perfect woman.

In other words, sexism is notioned by men. Men in other words dictates how a woman should look and behave. The film, media and ad industry isn't making things any easier either.

picture a scenario like this...
woman: Wah.. the bikini look so pretty... *points at a swimwear ad*
Man: ya lor, if only u look like her, i'd buy the bikini for u *points at model WEARING the bikini IN the ad*

wtf...

But hey, when a woman has to learn from a man, on HOW TO BEHAVE LIKE A WOMAN (in the eyes of a man), isn't it about time we do something?
Some girls or woman would go for crash diet, plastic surgery, desperate measures to change the way they look in order to secure a relationship with a man. I'm not condemning diets n plastic surgery, do it if it makes u feel good about yourself, but not because u want to please someone else.

I think taking this subject has help me better in understanding people and the way they act sometimes. I shall not go into details n be all theoretical in explaining what i've learnt. But by understanding the theory, i learn a few facts about men and women.

1. Men are born hunters, they like "the chase".
2. They also like what they can't get.
3. Men reacts to no reaction. So instead of going berserk n screaming when he didn't do the laundry/forgetting your birthday etc, just say:" it's ok." With a blank expression. Ladies, i can gurrantee he'd be panicking under your feet in no time.
4. Men will NOT say NO to sex.
5. respects women who puts them into place when they go overboard, but step all over those who let him have his way.
6. Nothing can get in the way of him pleasing the women he likes/wants/wants to fornicate with. 7. If he is unwilling cuz he finds it difficult, means he's not that into u.
8. You can never be too trusting. Save some for yourself.

Here's a familiar scenario where either u've been through before/ heard of/ seen live example:

1. A mutha-fucker disguised as a boy, meets girl who is gullible, innocent and softhearted (sucks cuz girls are usually like that), not to mention pretty, (which is the case most of the time due to the oh-so-powerful male gaze).
2. He wooed, he flirted, he pursued,he promised her the sun,the moon n the stars..plus the world beneath her feet... He claims he fell "deeply in love" with girl when he saw her.
3. She doubted, she obliged,she thought:"what harm could there be?" then she let her guard down, finally she's ready to accept.
4. He got too involved in her life, then all of a sudden, he backed out, claiming that he has fell out of love for her/hasn't gotten over his ex/is gay/his goldfish died..bla bla
5. Which left her humilliated n heartbroken...which she is damaged physically n mentally...
6. Not long after, he'd be dating another new girl. N it will be faster than the speed of Malaysians grabbing free food samples.
7. The plot continues to which it follows the same storyline again...

Somethings are never gonna change no matter how hard u try. Love rats will always be love rats. And ass wipes will always be full of shit.

So have some self-worth n don't blame yourself over something that will not work out. It takes two to tango, and it cuts both ways. People tend to use that word lightly now, so it's better to save it for yourself. Only u know that u truly love yourself.

til then.

not quite there yet

Do u know what it meant to me when u said u'd wait, even when i didn't promise to come?
Do u know why i held my breath, just at the sight of u around the corner?
Do u know how i felt when people tell me we looked good together?

moreover...

Do u know how much it hurt when all i can tell them is "We're just friends, we're not together."?