Chill-LAH

Have u ever felt that sometimes no matter how hard u tried, it will NEVER be enough?
Have u ever woke up and look in the mirror and ask the reflection looking back at u, "Who's that ugly thing?"?
Have u ever left unsatisfied even though u've done the most of ur your efforts?

I can bet my every dollar that everybody has felt that way in their lives, at least ONCE. There are times you could be so critical with the outcome of your own efforts u beat urself up even without giving credit for the heart and time spent on it.

Life has a cheeky way of delivering itself. Challenges can come in any form, and anytime (especially times when u didn't need, damn it Murphy, damn it.) In this contemporary era of the society, too much is never enough. Everyday there are different kinds of stress, some are routine, some just plain unexpected. There's always a moment of self-blame n over-criticism once a day in our lives.

Acknowledgement by other people is very important, but not as important as knowing and ACCEPTING yourself that u've done your best. Sometimes, we gotta just take a chill pill and relax. Yes, there's still room for improvement (room which we always will have), but the process of getting there is what REALLY made us who we are.

If u don't know what i mean by too much self-critical, here's something to ponder:
Would u ever tell your friends/ family/ colluegues or even a random stranger that he/she looks like a fat cow? but somehow it's easier to tell it to yourself (sometimes, everytime..) right? How could other people's feelings be more important than your own? They should be EQUALLY important. What i'm saying is, be kind to others, be kind to yourself too. Your own mental well-being deserves some TLC.

Quote: Life's a journey, not a destination. When u get there, you'll be six feet under.

Think about it :)
til then

Medical practice has never been so sexy

Yes yes.. life can be a bitch. But what the hell... there's gotta be something that u look forward to do sometime in a month, a week or even a day. That something is stress-free, fun and keeps u mentally n physically aroused, something happy to get by the day.

Yep, i've found that something at this period of my life n it's keeping me so very happy :)

Grey's Anatomy :)

Hehe.. i wished i could play the blame game n get away with things. (It's all my darling brother's fault who dl-ed season 1 til season 4, and left me desperate for more drama every nite! I sayang u la!hehe)

It's so addictive i think i'm beyond rehab wanting to get home n watch those tempting episodes.

The plots are so mentally arousing...

And Dr.Mcdreamy...

... is so taking my breath away :D *oh..those eyes..those messy hair**melts*

(yes yes, the picture has a wedding ring on his fourth finger, but so what? It's not like i'm ever able to get close enough.. hehe)

Seattle Grace Hospital has the most amazing team of beautiful doctors with beautiful heart. My total sexy medical fantasy :D

Dear stupid.

I'd like to thank you for being so negative all the time.
I'd like to thank you for behaving like a total idiot.

Thank you for making everybody u've tried to put down looked good.
Thank you for being such a jealous bitch, the littlest sign of you utterly repulse me to the highest of trash order.
I bet u don't even know the word repulse.

You have no idea how much u made my day for asking stupid questions n making insulting comments. I think u look like a total clown. Maybe u should try out for the circus, i think they would gladly need someone like for comic relief.

The world DOES NOT revolve around you, my dear.
And it's a sad fact u don't seem to realise how pathetic u look when u try to be cool.
It's stupid, really, and it's insulting the intelligence of an amoeba.
I could go straight to your face n tell u this, "Hey look here, u're arrogant, shallow, idiotic, insulting and partially deaf, so u either change for the better or just fuck off, you worthless piece of shit."
But no, i think i shall let u continue to dwell in your own self-pride and overly suffocating ego that is bigger than your ass. So drown baby, drown.

I think i'm a natural cheerleader, it's the in-born spirit that i can't be around negative people all the time. Or people who likes to say negative things TO PUT OTHER PEOPLE DOWN. Too much of it makes me feel nauseous. One more word from you, idiot, i swear i will PUKE on you.

Fuggit. I'm out. gonna sleep the blues away til the sun shines through.
nite
til then

ARGHH

HELP!! I'M LOSING MY SOCIAL LIFE!

FROM,
LIL MISS BORING-ALL-WORK-NO-PLAY

til then

Inhumane schedule of the week

I was sick (VERY sick, in fact) from the sudden breakdown cause my body decides to go on strike few days ago. Just barely recovering, i went for class and had an almost humanly impossible class schedule on tuesday.

Let me give u an outline of the day's schedule...

7.30 - 8.30 Conditioning Class

9.30 - 11.00 Classical Indian

11.00 - 1.00 Modern Technique 3

1.00 - 2.00 lunch break

2.00 - 3.30 Modern Technique 4

3.30 - 5.00 Dance Composition n Improvisation

5.30 - 7.00 Jazz 1

7.00 - 10.30 Training with KT

Yeah man, u read that right. It's 7.30 AM not PM, the day starts THAT early. Started off running 6 laps around football field goal posts. 13 and a half hours of practical classes continuously (not including 1 and half hour lunch break in between) I was constantly moving and on the go, nonstop.

By the time even before half the class ended at KT, i felt i was gonna just drop dead there n fall into deep slumber.

Reached home at about 11.30pm, and it was immediately bedtime.

Because guess what?

The next day starts at 7.30AM too...

Yeah man, I'm gonna be super fit and super thin by the end of this semester. If and only if i can AFFORD time to eat. (i'm not bulimic or wahatsoever, by really, time is just hell)

that's why i totally DESPISE and DISLIKE WITH MUCH DISTASTE when some people who can go bersuka-ria and lepak but when asked to do simple things can complain that they are tired. Try being me on tuesdays :) (No offence, but there ARE people like that.)

I'm not complaining about my life now, in fact i'm totally loving it. I'm only stating the fact that being a dance student/anything related to art is all hard work. And the fact that people work so hard isn't because of the money as performing artists could not survive only on stage performance in Malaysia. It's the passion that drives us to break, crush, push, and reinvent ourselves over n over again.

So dearies, support the local art scene! :)

Thought of the day:
Today i heard something at the radio. It was Rudy from Hitz.fm, he said
" Support the local entertainment scene, if not, there won't be one" I think it also applies to the art industry :)

K la, sleepy adi... need to go catch some shut eye..zzz

til then.

great way to start 2008...

yes.. i woke up with a high fever on my FIRST day of class this morning. Can't do anything but feel every single muscle of my body ache.
Went to the doc, he told me i had throat infections n the left side of my throat had blisters n practically red and swollen. Besides that, i had cough, flu and headache...

i hate eating medicine... Bluek~

:(

til then.

Flashbacks n thoughts of the very last day

hmm... finally...

The last day of the year.

Time passes us by so fast sometimes we don't even know it had just slyly slipped away. We only realise it when we OCCASIONALLY sit down and think about it. And that's if we DO take some time to think about it.

This has been a very meaningful year for me. Many things happened this year, which i would never ever trade for any other as it has given me a different outlook and experience. Let me recap.
I've been disappointed, backstabbed, heartbroken, broken down, injured physically, suicidal, wasted at some point...but there were also the good things behind the bad...I've competed in Japan representing Malaysia in cheerleading, fell so deeply in love with my passion-Dance, learnt from fantastic teachers, gotten into Dean's list (YAY!), did ballroom dance classes, discovered and gotten close with bunch of very very wonderful friends (u know who u are :D), and most of all, SURVIVE all that i've been through this year.

I'm pretty happy about all that i'm able to achieve this year, so i shall aim a little bit more next year. I personally don't believe in resolutions, because there's a tendency to break or forget them. Instead, i call them GOALS. You can't break or forget a goal, u may just only miss it if u don't score ;)

yeah... so
Goals for 2008

1. Improve grades.
2. Save more money. Make more money.
3. Sleep early.
4. Learn something outside of uni. (e.g latin ballroom/vocal lessons/new language etc)
5. Less junk n fast food (only once every two weeks, suppression period in between shall gradually increase)
6. Read more books. My gramatical errors will soon pile up and drown the world wide web. so...Get nerdy,babeh!
7. Allow myself at least 2 holidays on my own expense with people i heart. That's why i need to always refer to GOAL No.2
8. Go overseas at least once, just to learn/check out/experience anything related to dance, arts or cheerleading. That's why i ALSO need to always refer to GOAL No.2.

I admit i still need to improve in many many things, but i know for sure that i've learnt and grew up a bit compared to the year before. I'm happy the way things are now, just because...

• i have food, WARM FOOD, waiting on the table at home when i come back (I love my folks, really)
• i have clothes on my back (although going commando only invites u to be raped, killed and have cucumbers/brinjals/banana/cylindrical objects shoved into your u-know-where)
• i have a home to go back to, a room on my own.
• i have a shoulder to cry on, anywhere, anytime.
• i have a study course n future career that can continually make me smile when i think about it. It is a big thing when u love ur job n don't feel that waking up in the morning for work is a chore. Really, just ask any working person.
• i have people around me who loves me :)

And based on the reason, i just simply have reason to live. So come what may to 2008! Happy new year everybody! May the next year be a better year for improvement, achievement and contentment.

Have a wonderful holiday before the first working day of the year :)

sorry...i know i'm such a killjoy

til then